Sofia Yong, Singapore’s X-Men
In case you didn’t know, Singapore is put on the world map again, with the introduction of a new X-Men character, Sofia Yong. As kids, and even adults, we wish we had powers to solve our everyday problems. Now that there’s an actual representative out there, let’s put her superpowers to the test and see how she fares against issues we Singaporeans face on the daily.
* Disclaimer: This content is for comedic purposes only, and we do not condone any malicious behaviour. It’s just for gags and not that deep.
Table of Contents
- Sofia Yong, Singapore’s X-Men
- Sofia Yong? Who dat?
- 1. Remembering her colleague’s complicated bubble tea orders
- Solution: Use photographic memory to recall the orders
- 2. Buying 4D Toto but not winning
- Solution: Make a highly educated guess based on probability
- 3. Getting hit by speeding cyclists who don’t ring the bell
- Solution: Develop a “spidey sense” to avoid getting hit
- 4. Unable to order cai fan in Chinese
- Solution: Manifest the ability to speak other languages fluently
- 5. Failing NAPFA 2.4km run in school
- Solution: Unleash her inner Soh Rui Yong
- 6. Can’t sleep or study due to construction noise
- Solution: Knock herself out by using any skill for a minute
- 7. Tricky PSLE questions made harder when you forget the formula
- Solution: Access memory archives for forgotten formulas
- 8. Not knowing how to help people with disabilities
- Solution: Literally put herself in their shoes
- 9. Confused by the differing grocery prices across stores
- Solution: Use quick mental sums & memory to figure out the best buys
- 10. Struggling to find table in a crowded hawker centre
- Solution: Manifest Olympic–level tissue throwing skills to “chope” a spot
- 11. Unable to think straight after a hardcore night out partying
- Solution: Sober up immediately by halting the effects of alcohol
Sofia Yong? Who dat?
Image credit: Marvel
She’s your typical Singaporean teen – always on the go, hustling, and sleep-deprived. Oh, and she also has superpowers. Her codename is “Jitter”, and she’s part of the Uncanny X-Men. Her powers include being able to manifest or perform any skill for 1 minute via hyper-focus. Yes, any skill imaginable, even skills that people devote their entire lives to honing.
The only catch is she will immediately collapse and toh if her superpowers are used for too long. For her, “too long” is over 1 minute, so she always has a stopwatch with her. Risk of collapsing aside, these powers seem great on paper. But let’s put them to the test to see if it works IRL, and whether her superpowers are as great as we imagine them to be.
1. Remembering her colleague’s complicated bubble tea orders
Solution: Use photographic memory to recall the orders
Sofia has just started her internship and volunteers to buy her team bubble tea to get into their good books. They blurt out a laundry list of bubble tea orders that’s as long as Endgame. She approaches the counter, slightly jittery and nervous, unable to recall the orders.
Solution: Sofia can use her powers to enable photographic memory and regurgitate all of her colleagues’ bubble tea orders in a minute.
Risks: It is up to her to see if she can say it all within a minute. If not, she will faint at the counter, and people will think she’s an introverted girl having a panic attack.
Solution effectiveness: 8/10. It depends on how many colleagues are ordering bubble tea. If it’s a short list, she’ll be fine. But what if the whole company catches wind of her ordering prowess, and forces her to buy bubble tea for them too? There’s more risk involved then.
Solution for the average Singaporean: You can just compile the orders neatly on your phone and show them to the cashier.
2. Buying 4D Toto but not winning
Solution: Make a highly educated guess based on probability
Sofia has been working for years now and wants to save money to apply for a HDB BTO flat. She turns to her local 4D TOTO centre, in hopes of winning the lottery as a shortcut. The only problem is that she’d require the luck of the devil to hit the jackpot.
Solution: She can use that nifty brain of hers to devise advanced probability techniques and make the best possible educated guess.
Risks: The chance of winning the jackpot in SG is 1 in 13.98 million, and even if she narrows down the numbers, her odds are still pretty slim – maybe 1 in 13.97 million now. She can try it repeatedly though, but that may get her to become addicted to gambling, and get kicked out of the X-Men.
Solution effectiveness: 2/10. No matter how good you are at statistics, the chance of winning is very slim and far from guaranteed.
Solution for the average Singaporean: You can read our guide on how to buy 4D TOTO and the top Singapore pools outlets to boost your chances of winning, however marginal. For better ways to make passive income, read our articles on investing in Singapore.
3. Getting hit by speeding cyclists who don’t ring the bell
Solution: Develop a “spidey sense” to avoid getting hit
Picture this: Sofia is on her way back home, plugged into her headphones and immersed in National Day songs. As she grooves to Kit Chan’s Home for the 10th time in a row, she fails to notice a speeding cyclist heading in her direction, about to hit her.
Solution: “Spidey sense” is not real per se, but heightened senses do exist. It’s a skill developed by people who live in places where danger is often imminent. Sofia can just manifest that skill whenever she wants to detach from real life, and not run the risk of getting hit.
Risks: It is a good skill to have, but there is a slight chance of Sofia becoming overconfident and maybe using it too often. Besides, heightened senses are not 100% effective either.
Solution effectiveness: 8/10. Having the intuition to know if there is a speeding cyclist or PMD will come in handy in preventing accidents.
Solution for the average Singaporean: For the rest of us, we can plan ahead by reading the LTA brochure on active mobility to stay safe, whether you are cycling, walking, or scooting. You can watch our road safety videos too. That way, you’ll know which areas to pay more attention to.
4. Unable to order cai fan in Chinese
Solution: Manifest the ability to speak other languages fluently
Image for illustration only.
Sofia wasn’t taught how to speak Chinese as a child. She’s often referred to as a “jiak kantang” AKA someone who can’t speak their native language to save their lives. She’s afraid of being judged for her incompetence when going out to order cai fan. Plus, she sometimes speaks with a slight stutter.
Solution: She can simply manifest the language abilities of the most fluent Chinese speaker she knows and mimic the way they speak, down to the very last enunciation.
Risks: There aren’t really any risks involved, though her colleagues may be sus of Sofia if she can only speak perfect Chinese when ordering cai fan, but can’t hold that standard for more than a minute in other social situations.
Solution effectiveness: 7/10. It works like a charm, as picking and ordering dishes at a stall won’t take longer than a minute. But the scope of the solution is slightly narrow. What is she going to do when she meets her Ah Ma during Chinese New Year?
Solution for the average Singaporean: This is a rather prominent social issue among youths in Singapore. To any parents of future jiak kantangs in the making, you can use these Mandarin hacks for your child.
5. Failing NAPFA 2.4km run in school
Solution: Unleash her inner Soh Rui Yong
Oh, the bane of every Singaporean student’s existence: the 2.4km run – the component that makes most people fail their NAPFA. Even Sofia can’t escape it, as the X-Men have monthly fitness tests too, including the dreaded run.
Solution: Expand her lung capacity and cardiovascular system to that of elite long-distance runners like Soh Rui Yong. That way, she can breeze through the tracks effortlessly.
Risks: She would have to pace herself steadily, as even the fastest 2.4km timing in Singapore’s history is 6 minutes and 57 seconds. She can “turn on” her powers in short bursts; for example, she can aim for 30 seconds in the 1st round, do a slow 2nd, speed up in the 3rd, and then go full-on in the final lap.
It is not a rare sight to see people crash out after finishing a winding 2.4km run, so she can just put it up as “fatigue” to the X-Men medic.
Solution effectiveness: 9/10. Though effective, it’s not morally right as it’s technically cheating. Besides, Charles Xavier is definitely more than wise enough to see through her farce, as he has telepathy.
Solution for the average Singaporean: If you want to learn how to run like Soh Rui Yong, we have articles from the man himself, who shares 2.4km training tips and marathon running tips in general.
6. Can’t sleep or study due to construction noise
Solution: Knock herself out by using any skill for a minute
We’ve all been there. Sleeping in on a nice Saturday morning, until a barrage of construction noises and other headache-inducing sounds ruin everything.
Solution: She can use her so-called “weakness” to her advantage. Just use her powers for a minute when the drilling is at its peak, knocking herself out to sleep. That way, she can block out the noise and rest peacefully.
Risks: We have no idea about the extent of her powers, as to how long she will knock herself out for. For all we know, she may even sleep through the whole weekend. It works, but we don’t know how long it works until she tries it out.
Solution effectiveness: 5/10. It works, yes, but the thought of triggering her powers every time there’s noise must make her want to break the 4th wall and smack this writer who suggested it.
Solution for the average Singaporean: You can just get any of these noise-cancelling headphones instead. Alternatively, read our articles on insomnia sleep tips and removing bad sleeping habits.
7. Tricky PSLE questions made harder when you forget the formula
Solution: Access memory archives for forgotten formulas
Image credit: KnowYourMeme
There are many rites of passage Singaporeans go through, like National Service, and stressing out over PSLE Math questions. Unlike the ‘O’ Levels, which at least has a basic formula sheet, the PSLE paper has nothing to jog your memory off, unless you’re Sofia Yong.
Solution: Sofia can technically use her powers to manifest photographic memory, and remember her toa cah sohs.
Risks: She has to write them down in her paper fast as she only has a minute before falling asleep on her desk – though that is not a rare sight in exam halls, seeing how some people are there just for the vibes.
Solution effectiveness: 7/10. She can just jot down the formulas on her paper, though it should be a last resort, not the first thought to mind. From a moral standpoint, it is a grey area and can be considered cheating. Sofia should ask herself if an X-Men will resort to such cheap tricks.
Solution for the average Singaporean: Find online tutors for extra help. You can also use these science-backed memory hacks to recall formulas.
8. Not knowing how to help people with disabilities
Solution: Literally put herself in their shoes
Image credit: Natalie Lim
Sofia meets a person with disabilities; a deaf person on the street is asking for directions in navigating the shopping malls in Singapore. He is a young boy who is lost from his parents, and is on the verge of having a breakdown.
Solution: She can just manifest the ability to communicate in American Sign Language (ASL) and give the directions in ASL. The same goes for other disabilities. For example, if she meets a blind man, she can communicate with him via Braille.
Risks: Literally none. As a superhero, her job is to help people, so this is just part of her fulfilling the great responsibilities that come with her great power. Spiderman will be proud.
Solution effectiveness: 100/10. The possibilities are endless; on top of doing good deeds, Sophia can form friendships with persons with disabilities, and make them feel included.
Solution for the average Singaporean: Read up on inclusive sport activities in Singapore, Enabling Village, and inclusive organisations to show various forms of support.
9. Confused by the differing grocery prices across stores
Solution: Use quick mental sums & memory to figure out the best buys
Sofia may be a superhero, but even she has to do mundane things like grocery shopping. Like every other teen, she is a bit broke. It can be quite a headache comparing the different prices, promos, discounts, and new deals popping up every month.
Solution: Sophia can use her witty brain to do quick mental sums when comparing prices among the different supermarkets. She can key the numbers down in her phone or simply utilise photographic memory before coming to a decision.
Solution effectiveness: 10/10. Mental sums don’t take that long, so the risk of her crashing out is low. Plus, she is using her powers to achieve financial freedom. Some may call it genius, while it’s just girl math or Singapore math to her.
Risks: No risks involved, but being Singaporean, she may be a bit kiasu and worry if she really is getting the best deal, even when the numbers clearly show so.
Solution for the average Singaporean: Get privy to student card discounts and birthday freebies. You can also use these supermarket hacks, or just stay in the loop of our monthly lobangs. There are also plenty of useful WhatsApp channels to stay in the know of all the good deals.
10. Struggling to find table in a crowded hawker centre
Solution: Manifest Olympic–level tissue throwing skills to “chope” a spot
It’s peak lunch hour; Sofia and her friends need to find a table ASAP. She sees an empty table big enough for her kakis, but the problem is that it’s 30m away. There are also a few aunties making their way there in a moment.
Solution: She can manifest the skills of Roje Stona, current Olympic champion for discus throwing. She can then throw the tissue so it lands right on the table, making her a national hero in the eyes of her friend group. Heck, she may even get scouted by the Singapore National Olympic Committee.
Risks: The only issue is that the weight of the tissue is not as perfectly balanced as an Olympic quality discus. There are also external factors like a fan blowing it off course. But then again, she can’t have everything in life.
Solution effectiveness: 9/10. She has the skills, and the distance is not that far.
Solution for the average Singaporean: You can read our article on secret staff food courts to avoid crowds and getting into this situation in the first place.
11. Unable to think straight after a hardcore night out partying
Solution: Sober up immediately by halting the effects of alcohol
Sofia has had a long week fighting baddies like Magneto and Gambit, and aims to relieve it by hitting up some of the best clubs in Singapore. She chooses to have a tipple or two. But then 2 becomes 3, then 4, before creeping up to 10, and she and her friends can barely stand straight, let alone get back home.
Solution: She can manifest her body to have a high alcohol tolerance, so she can tahan better and sober up faster. That way, she can also quickly call Grab for her friends and make sure they get home safe. Very considerate, very heroic.
Risks: It is unknown whether Sofia can access her powers while intoxicated or whether it affects or weakens her abilities. She may be able to delay the effects of alcohol, but she may just well pass out after a minute too. P.S. Marvel please help this writer out here.
Solution effectiveness: 5/10. It could work, but it really depends on the aforementioned issue discussed under “risks”.
Solution for the average Singaporean: Foremost, drink responsibly. You can also read our articles on all the different types of alcohol to educate yourself better. Otherwise, quitting alcohol may be ideal for some.
Sofia Yong using her powers in Singapore
It seems like even superheroes face challenges in their day-to-day lives. You may also face these issues, but thankfully, most of our articles offer a solution – without a need for fancy powers. How would you act in these situations if you were Sofia?
For other funny articles, check out:
- If Singapore were in the Olympics
- Fake fitspo photographs
- Ex-PM Lee magic cups
- Common lunch conversations
Cover image adapted from: Marvel
