Becoming a missing person to escape the digital world
Let’s admit it; most of us can’t live without our smartphones but sometimes technology can feel like it’s this parasite that feeds off of every part of our lives. It makes it nearly impossible to maintain a work-life balance because most of us rely on the internet and constant online communication for work.
There may come a day when you’re scrambling at work, drained from all of the deadlines and message notifications, and think, “I just want to run away from all this.” Well, that’s exactly what I did. This is my story about how I ran away to Pulau Ubin to escape the digital world in November 2022 and ended up becoming a missing person in Singapore.
Trigger warning: Mentions of depression and suicidal tendencies.
Moments before disaster struck
Image credit: Ezekiel
At that time, I was a 20-year-old international student, studying communications and staying in university hall full time. Unlike my Singaporean peers who stayed with their families during weekends, I didn’t have a home outside of campus to go to.
I was still navigating my way through this new country and trying to juggle academics along with it. The pandemic had caused issues with my course scheduling, so I ended up having to overload classes that semester. On top of all that, personal gripes and financial worries added to this weight on my shoulders. So all in all, I was stressed.
In hindsight, it doesn’t sound like much, and my mental health at the time clearly intensified the situation. However, it was still burdensome – there were back-to-back projects, assignments, and meetings which left me glued to my devices. Not to mention, insomniac nights of doomscrolling.
We were approaching the end of the semester, so submissions were on the horizon. Our ideas were failing and I kept getting rejected by potential interviewees for articles I wanted to write. Adding to the stress was the fact that all of my project groups had to schedule frequent meetings or unearthly working times.
For a few weeks leading up to that day, there had been dread bubbling in my stomach but I shrugged it off to deal with during my winter vacation; there was just too much work to complete. But to those people who have gone through burnout before, you’d know that it hits you when you least expect it – and all at once.
Which leads us to that faithful November morning.
8am: Waking up to 1,000 Telegram notifications
Image for illustrative purposes only.
At 8am, I felt the familiar buzzing of my phone atop my pillow, assuming it to be one of the 5 10-minute-interval alarms I set up. Instead, I was met with a mishmash of notifications going off. I opened my phone to see the Telegram App icon with 1,000+ notifications and Whatsapp with 100+ notifications, from different project, family, and friend group chats.
It was so overwhelming that a switch flicked in my brain. There were no tears or screaming, I just quietly set my phone aside and got up. It was time to run away.
8.30am: The idea to escape sets in
As a first-time international student in Singapore, my introduction to the city was window-shopping at Orchard Road and admiring the glittering facade of Marina Bay Sands. I’d researched nature reserves and parks in Singapore, but had not had the chance to visit most of them. One of the main ones I wanted to see was Pulau Ubin.
The island’s name had been tossed around by some school seniors before and it sparked my curiosity. I was shocked that a place with a German Girl Shrine and mangroves could even exist in this modern city. However, the island was quite literally on the other end of the country from me, and none of my friends were the outdoorsy kind so I was left to my imagination.
Until that morning, that is.
I’ve seen all the films and shows, where the main character has their big “I QUIT!” moment and runs away to Italy or Hawaii. As a broke university student, that wasn’t really in the cards. The closest alternative I could think of was Pulau Ubin.
With that, a thought set in: What if I ventured to Pulau Ubin for the day and left all my electronic devices behind?
I thought it was reasonable enough, nothing too drastic. So I quickly stuffed my bag with a change of clothes, an umbrella, a book, a water bottle, camera, and took the first bus out of campus.
9am: Getting to Ubin
Image adapted from: Land Transport Guru
Upon reaching Boon Lay MRT station, I realised I didn’t actually know how to get to there. I asked the MRT staff at the kiosk if they could provide me written instructions with directions to Pulau Ubin. It wasn’t the weirdest ask, considering the amount of tourists that come to Singapore. They were nice enough to give me the bus route and the return journey.
Tanah Merah MRT -> via Bus 2 -> Changi Point Ferry Terminal -> via ferry -> Pulau Ubin
Pulau Ubin -> via ferry -> Changi Point Ferry Terminal -> via Bus 29 -> Tampines MRT -> via Bus 10 -> East Coast Park
Let me tell you, being on an MRT ride across Singapore with no phone is a lot more excruciating than you may think. I sometimes forget how much of a sensory overload it is, from the “Please mind the gap” announcements and door beepings, to the various fragrances and stenches of passengers on board. My hands also felt antsy as there was no phone to look at to seem busy.
Being able to see all the different stops along the East-West line, allowed me to see all the different kinds of commuters and areas of the nation I didn’t even know existed. At that point, I had reached Simei.
Image credit: @ahxuncorner via Instagram
I began to enjoy the relief of not having a phone on my bus ride to the ferry station. The route took me past Changi Prison, Changi Chapel Museum, and a bunch of fancy landed properties that I could only fantasise about living in.
It was nearly 1pm when I finally reached Changi Point Ferry Terminal, but I ended up having to wait at least an hour to board my first ferry ride in Singapore, as we had to wait till the minimum 12 pax/ferry was reached.
Since it was a Thursday, not a lot of people were expected to go to the island. This was fine by me because that meant more seclusion. And as the engine started and the salty air hit my face, my stomach began to tingle with the expectation of something good.
1pm: “Where did he go?”
However, I wasn’t the only one with a tingling in their stomachs. Spiderman can’t beat a mother’s spidey senses, even from India. I used to call my parents twice a day – at lunch and post-dinner. So when lunch hour came around and there was no call, something tripped my mother’s instinct.
She started calling me, and of course, I didn’t pick up since my phone wasn’t with me. When there was no response after a few tries, she looked for my phone on FindMyiPhone. Sure enough, it was in my room, confusing her even more.
My mother then texted one of my university friends to check if everything was alright. But when he went to knock on my window, I was obviously nowhere to be found.
Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen
My parents always said that despite Singapore being so safe, they were always worried about me being abroad and out of reach from them. All they can do is sit and ponder and take every malady and misfortune I face to the extreme.
My friends went to Campus Security on behalf of my parents who rushed over to my hall and opened my room. When they found nothing strange about it, other than the fact that I left my devices behind, my parents urged my friends to lodge a missing person report as soon as possible, stating that this whole situation looked like a recipe for a very specific disaster.
After all, a stressed teenager going AWOL definitely rang a few alarm bells in their mind.
Meanwhile…
Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen
The wave of respite already hit me when I saw the wooden “Welcome to Pulau Ubin” sign. Everything was fresh and new and there were no glass skyscrapers and pings in sight. I quickly hopped to a bike rental store and followed the sign boards to Chek Jawa Wetlands.
That’s me rediscovering nature, while all of my friends and family were worried sick.
Solo explorations seemed boring to me before this; why wouldn’t you want company to share beautiful sights or hilarious fumbles with? I won’t lie, at the beginning of the increasingly uphill trail, I was looking for some company to push me on, to talk about how bad my thighs were burning from the cycling, and to discuss whether the sound from the bushes was a wild boar or a Pontianak.
But soon I came to enjoy the solitude and being able to stop whenever I wanted to take a breather, or closely inspect a part of the forest.
Pictures I took with my camera.
Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen
When it was finally time to park the bike and trek over to the wetlands, I was filled with childlike enthusiasm, and thought about whether wetlands would look as good as they do online. Safe to say, it’s way better. I think I sat for 2 hours at the boardwalk, getting slowly sunburnt but in utter bliss thinking how I had done what I set out to do, and it was all worth it.
Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen
I took for granted how much history Singapore has despite its tiny size. When I chanced upon House No. 1, a colonial vacation home which is now a mini-museum, and spotted the crustaceans and fish at the Mangroves, it ignited parts of myself that had been shelved away by work, like my love for history and marine life.
I couldn’t believe I could just sail off to this island and admire all these wonderful sights. My hometown, Hyderabad, is an inland city, so the closest beaches were a plane ride away. Back home, it would probably cost around $100 for me to escape to nature, whereas this $4 boat ride took me to paradise within minutes.
With each step, I felt like my body reset and piece by piece the stresses seemed so nonsensical compared to all of the living, breathing things around me.
I spotted this family of wild boars
Image credit: Ezekiel Sen
On my way back to the ferry, I was halted in my tracks by a family of wild boars. I’ve heard the stories of horrific attacks and casualties, so I kind of just froze there, not in fear but in wonder. I thought about how if I were busy checking my phone or something, I would miss them entirely. Zack-1, Phone-0.
5.30pm: Returning to mainland
Image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen
I reached the mainland and took a bus to Tampines Interchange. When I got there, I saw a pasar malam and realised I hadn’t really eaten anything except a lone curry puff for lunch. To quell my grumbling stomach, I munched on a Ramly Burger and a honeycomb ice cream sundae.
I was oblivious to the fact that not too far away in Kallang, my aunt was on the phone with SPF, lodging a missing person report and coordinating with my uni friends to find me. When I first came to Singapore, my parents had asked her to be my local guardian. We hadn’t met in a long time, though. So you can imagine the shock she got when my parents rang her up about this.
Image for illustrative purposes only.
Image credit: Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona via Unsplash.
My friends were asked to name the most likely places I could be. Much to the officers’ chagrin, I frequented places all over, from a community centre in Jurong to Gardens By The Bay. Nonetheless, the officers took the lead and began their search.
Hope back home in India reached an all-time low, with my family expecting the worst. I’m a chronically online person who responds to most messages and calls instantaneously, so it was worrying to them that I hadn’t replied for more than 3 hours. My father decided to fly down to Singapore that night so he could be there in person to try and find me.
7pm: Hanging out at my favourite place in Singapore
Image credit: Ezekiel Sen
My final stop was none other than the rippling-waved beaches of East Coast Park. Having gone on more than one late-night rendezvous with my friends, East Coast Park was by far my favourite place in Singapore. It made sense that it would be the final landmark of this spontaneous escape, as the park had seen me through a lot of my time in the country.
It was where I went on my first terrible date, where I spent my first New Year’s in Singapore, and where I would still my mind in the wee hours of the morning by laying down on the breakwaters and listening to the waves.
The finale of my plan involved spending a few hours by the beach before taking a cab back home. Midway through, I realised that without a phone, there would be no way for me to book a cab – so I decided to stake out the night until the buses and MRT started running in the morning.
I managed to finish my Junji Ito graphic novel, take a shower, and play on the swing set. My legs then grew weary and I rested on one of the benches on the beach. Throughout all of this, I felt like this was one of the best decisions of my life, there was not an ounce of burnout left in me.
The day reminded me that there was a world outside of work. Despite all my stresses and faux pas, the world didn’t break down. And so why should I break down over interactions and deadlines that don’t feel as real as the sand flies and wet grass at the park?
11pm: Found by the police
Police cars usually do their rounds in ECP at night to check for unruly behaviour. So when one stopped in front of me while I was walking back from the beach, I didn’t think anything of it.
It was only when I heard, “Are you Zack?”, coming out of the car’s window did I stop in my tracks. It was really strange as my government name isn’t even Zack, so I was shocked to hear that these policemen knew my nickname. My first instinct was that I probably did something wrong in Pulau Ubin. I slowly turned back and replied, “Yes…?”
2 police officers got out of the car and took me to a bench nearby. They then told me about the whole ordeal – about how everyone was looking for me and thought I was missing. It’s a strange thing to process, the fact that everyone thinks something bad has happened to you while you were just galavanting around an island.
Image for illustrative purposes only.
Image credit: S5A-0043 via Wikimedia Commons
All I could feel was guilt; guilt that I let my family and friends get so worried about my condition, guilt that these policemen had to come late at night to ECP to pick up this random boy, and guilt that for me to be able to heal and escape, all of this chaos had to occur.
The officers conducted a quick bag check, body check, and breathalyser test, just to see whether I was trying to hurt myself or was intoxicated, and soon I was in the back of the police car heading to my aunt’s house. They then got me through to my father who was about to board his flight to Singapore, tearing up with relief through the phone call.
At that point, my mind just went blank and I couldn’t believe any of this was real. I spent the rest of the car ride dissociating; everything seemed so distant from what I had originally perceived this day to be.
12am: Arriving at my Aunt’s house
I’m not the closest with my aunt and her family. We never met often in India and even in Singapore, I see them only every few months. They just knew me as the cousin in funky t-shirts who refused to wear shorts. So when they opened the door to 2 policemen and me, they couldn’t have been more shocked.
They too were international residents who tried their best to stay out of trouble, and here I was bringing the law into their house.
We all sat down at the dining table as one of the officers pulled up the case file and passed me a form to fill up. I was filling up the form as a witness, to my own missing person’s case, and honestly, that’s what it felt like.
The last thing I remember from that night was my aunt getting my mother and sister on the line to speak with me. They seemed inconsolable and, at that point, I couldn’t understand why. To me, I had just been gone 10 hours, but to them, it seemed a lot longer.
Image for illustrative purposes only.
My aunt led me to a neatly made bed, which was far more comfortable than the bench I chose to wait at in ECP, and with no videos or music to distract me, my body laid into a quick and comfortable rest.
The next day…
I woke up to hear a familiar laughter outside my aunt’s guestroom. It was my father. He was drinking coffee with my aunt, laughing over some childhood story of theirs. When I stepped out, he lunged at me with a hug. I partly expected him to be upset, but I think my aunt did a good enough job of helping him understand the situation as it was.
We then headed back to the university to tell Campus Security and the rest that I was alright and retrieve my phone and computer. On the way, my father told me that I should just leave Singapore if it’s causing me such misery, though I think we both knew that that wasn’t a feasible idea. His parental instincts had taken over, understanding that the only way to truly stay protecting me was to ask me to come back to India and live with them.
He stayed on for a few days and when I dropped him off at the airport, I assured him that I was truly feeling a lot lighter and that I wouldn’t do something like this again. It’s still something that makes my parents shudder, so we don’t bring it up often.
Taking a break from the online world
It’s now been nearly 2 years since the great escape to Pulau Ubin. It makes for a good fun fact when meeting new people, although my mental health at the time was anything but fun.
Since then, I’ve tried my best to start reevaluating and addressing my own capacity in the simplest ways. I take more naps, monitor my screen time, and am more communicative with work boundaries. It’s quite remarkable that all of these solutions sprouted from me being digitally burnt out and doing something this drastic just to be away from all of the hyperproductivity and notifications.
If I had to tell myself something before I embarked on this digital world escape, I would say that nothing is set in stone. That blaring deadline that keeps popping up as a reminder on your phone or the looming rent payment can be shifted.
As for taking a break, it might sound cliche but especially in a place like Singapore, nature is one of the best places to escape to. I know, I know, touch grass, but aside from it being scientifically proven, it’s also just a reminder that there is a world outside of your day-to-day duties.
Image for illustrative purposes only.
That being said, another thing that I learned from this whole experience was the fact that there really is no escape from the digital world. We are so dependent on communicating through it, working through it, buying through it, even doing medical check-ups through it, and things are likely only going to get more intense with advancements in AI.
Things don’t seem to be easing up in the working world either, with taking long blocks of leave being more and more frowned upon. So, is there truly an escape? I can’t say for sure, but I’m sure we’ll find better ailments than becoming a missing person in Singapore.
For other stories on being on the grind, check out:
Cover image adapted from: Ezekiel Sen, S5A-0043 via Wikimedia Commons
