2017 in 100 words

All illustrations in this article courtesy of Ra Krishnan.

Christmas might have just been a month ago, but you know Singaporeans have NO CHILL when “Guji Guji’ started playing 1 week in January 2017. Before you know it, you get dragged to Takashimaya to sample CNY goodies and start suffocating in Chinatown’s bustling streets because Mum says “it’s cheaper to buy love letters here”.

In the midst of all that CNY buzz, you also find yourself reading off these huge zodiac billboards to what’s in store for 2017. While these billboard typically appear outside various malls, we bring your zodiac predictions – all short and sweet – to you. There’s no need to fight with 7 other people just to get a good view.

1. Rat

You’ll love 2017, just don’t be too quick to hop on ambitious investments or expect to reap more than what you’ve sowed. Also, poor health is on the horizon, so it’s not the best time to binge watch The Legend of the Blue Sea till 3am. But if you do, best make those last minute Redoxon tablets your new best friend.

Gentlemen, 2017 is THE year to be popping the “BTO ai mai” question and to all the single ladies, you can trust the Tinder God to provide matches who don’t go MIA after a week of small talk.

Lucky Colours: White & Blue
Lucky Numbers: 1 & 6

2. Ox

You usually tiptoe around your gossipy colleagues but this year, drama will siam you before you even hear of it. Don’t take the peace for granted though, remember to stay grounded and consistent at work because we smell a promotion coming your way.

It’s also time to hit up those events and gatherings after a year of being a hermit. Socialise all you can because your next bae is hidden somewhere in the crowd. Please ah, open your eyes big big.

Lucky Colours: Beige, Yellow and Purple
Lucky Numbers: 2,3,8 and 9

3. Tiger

Tigers, you can expect a smooth-sailing year – but handle all the frills at work yourself. Your finances will be tight so stahp spending on things like these and save up for rainy days instead. Promo codes might not have been your thing, but it’s high time to ransack the internet for them.

Things aren’t looking good on the romance front, so don’t let a rough patch with bae drown your positive vibes. If she refuses to back down on which TV channel to watch, just give in and don’t rage quit. Besides, Netflix has a lot to offer anyway.

Lucky Colours: Blue & Purple
Lucky Numbers: 3, 5 and 7

4. Rabbit

“Fan Tai Sui” – the 3 feared words in any CNY zodiac reading. You have some rough waves to ride but with patience, you can untangle the knots faster than Rapunzel let down her hair. Be meticulous and check all documents before you sign your bank balance away or you might end up eating grass for the entire year.

Take time off to get on a short getaway with your better half to make up for all the lost time you spent OT-ing in the office.

Lucky Colours: Orange, Red, Pink, Purple.
Lucky Numbers: 2,3,7 and 9

5. Dragon

You’re well on your way to a huge leap in your career this year so keep going at what you’re passionate about. Resist those supper jios before it takes a toll on your health. Even better, ditch that late night Hoegaarden from your diet RIGHT NOW.

Love life’s a bloom and couples trying for a baby will be duly rewarded. Your spanking new BTO might be smaller than the 5-room you grew up in, but really, you don’t need a big space to you-know-what.

Lucky Colours: Gold, Silver, Grayish-White
Lucky Numbers: 1, 6 & 7

6. Snake

Survive 2017 by tracking your finances well. You spend quicker than your boss can fill your bank account with gold pennies so manage it before you hit rock bottom and cri all day.

Workload this year will be cray but don’t forget the simple date nights that are still worth planning. Rumours will fly and hearsay might take a temporary toll on your relationship, but you have to stay grounded.

Lucky Colours: Green, Red and Purple
Lucky Numbers: 3, 4 and 6

7. Horse

2017’s going to play mind games with you and there’s no better way to tackle that than to be mindful of what you say and do. You have the power to make or break anyone, so go easy and be tactful. Health is also another thing you don’t want to neglect this year.

Also, just because you get swamped with all the “when you getting married?” talk during CNY doesn’t mean you should feel pressured to tie the knot immediately. Rushing to commit might backfire.

Lucky Colours: Light Pink and Purple
Lucky Numbers: 2 & 6

8. Goat

The No-Go zone: being part of the gossipy lunch clique at work. Aim to bloom where you’re planted and keep all negativity in control. Surround yourself with positive people and stick to what makes you happy.

Bad auras will hurt but too bad you never learnt to airbend. To channel all that yin away from you, avoiding visiting the hospital or attending funerals.

Lucky Colours: White & Yellow
Lucky Numbers: 2 & 9

9. Monkey

Last year was tough on you and 2017’s breaking the curse of you slogging your guts out without a pay raise. With the right connections, your well-respected dai gor at work will unlock more opportunities for your dreams to take flight.

Investment wise, tame your ambitious self a little – don’t take the plunge and invest more than what you’re earning.

Lucky Colours: Dark Yellow and Beige
Lucky Numbers: 1 & 9

10. Rooster

Just because 2017 is your year doesn’t mean you’re spared. Sharing the same boat as the Rabbit means a turbulent 2017 for Roosters, but they can count on a trademark strong will to taichi their way out and feel fulfilled by crossing career milestones.

You’re also advised against hearsay surrounding potential investments too. Just in case that MLM friend tries to contact you for the 72th time … or somehow you decide to reply that “I have an investment plan to discuss with you” junk mail. Can you not.

Lucky Colours: White & Black
Lucky Numbers: 4,5,6,7 and 8

11. Dog

If you’ve always put off buying a kikki.K planner for its price, this is the year to finally take the plunge. Draw up financial plans and develop a work routine before your careless self cast your priorities away until the day before your deadlines.

We hate to put it to you, but just because you and bae are lovey dovey, doesn’t mean you both won’t be tempted by new characters in your social circle. Look out for telltale signs and talk it out before things get messy, and nasty.

Lucky Colours: Grey, Blue and Brown
Lucky Numbers: 3, 5 and 6

12. Pig

The arduous months ahead might drown your high spirits but no storm rages on forever. Keep your eyes on the prize and turn your back from all the tryhards at work. 2016 saw you drowning in junk food so it’s time to ditch that Lays for a good serving of fruits during teatime. And don’t you dare order that 100% sugar KOI again.

Take control of your emotions before you explode at bae for the tiniest change of plans and always be frank with your family members. Your loved ones shouldn’t be the last to know your greatest plans in life.

Lucky Colours: Silver, Grey and Black
Lucky Numbers: 4, 5, 6 and 7

Start 2017 right

Like horoscope, I take zodiac readings with a pinch of salt every year. Sometimes you can’t help but think that they seem to always get some parts of your new year on point, it’s also a self fulfilling prophecy you’re signing up for if you allow your spirits to be swayed easily.

Even if telltale signs seem to point toward a stormy year ahead, take it in your stride and know that any trying year is a journey worth learning.