Even More Reasons To Love The Land Down Under
Australia having 5 Prime Ministers in the past 5 years may seem nuts to us, but brace yourself, that’s only the tip of the crazy iceberg that is Australian politics.
Look upon this glorious list made up of Taylor Swift songs, sassy remarks and beer drinking world records – just a few of reasons why you’ve got to adore Australian politics. Prepare yourself for grown adults acting like children, a whole load of why did that happen, and moments that seem like they’re from an incredibly odd TV series.
1. Julia Gillard defying gravity
It’s a fact of life, there’s nothing funnier than seeing politicians fall over. Sure a mere stumble will always crack a few chuckles, but a full on face plant a la Julia Gillard is what we all really live for.
Being the first female prime minister of Australia is never going to be the easiest of jobs, so falling flat on your face must be the thing nightmares are made of. Although she handled it like a pro, it’s impossible not to recognise the sheer embarrassment she must have felt. Painfully awkward for her, a lifetime of laughs for us. Throw in the fact that it’s a politician not everyone’s a fan of, and it makes a good situation great.
Sure you guys could have glossed over the whole incident and pretended it never happened, accidents happen right? But oh no, thanks to the glory that is the internet you’re able to ensure that we never allow ourselves to forget this crime against gravity. Meme creators, may you get the recognition you deserve.
2. Masterchef Vs Politics
Nothing makes me more filled with joy than realising that Aussies put Masterchef over political debates. Sure watching the leader of your country argue against a rival is pretty interesting and all, but Masterchef? Have you ever seen it? It’s pure TV gold, and I thank you all for making this happen.
Just when politicians think they’re untouchable, you come and kick them where it hurts, letting them know where they really stand, in the most perfect way possible. Not only perfect, but disgustingly good. *See what I did there*. Lesson learnt, never stand in the way of Aussies and their treasured cooking shows.
3. Your politicians are basically professional beer drinkers
It appears that Aussie Politicians have a tendency to not only skull beer whenever possible, but also to do it well.
Being from the UK, our politicians seem to just have history of tax evasion and looking painfully awkward while trying to do normal activities in an attempt trick us into thinking they’re real people.
Need I say more? Source
Head over to Oz however, and it’s a whole different story. Instead of awkwardly eating sandwiches and ensuing nausea across the nation, you have politicians sculling beer like there’s no freaking tomorrow.
Look at this lad Source
Not only do you have a former Prime Minister with the world record for necking 2.5 pints of beer, but one who claims that it’s this more than any of his politics that won over the Aussie public. You know where your priorities lie, and everyone loves you for it. Just take a look at Bob Hawke. Former PM, forever legend.
This would be an entertaining novelty if this was a one off, but oh no, Australia you continue to impress. Add on Tony Abbott and Anthony Albanese and you’ve got yourself a trio of beer sculling delight.
4. Taylor Swift being sung in The Upper House
We all know Taylor Swift is the stuff dreams are made of, and apparently so does Sam Dastyari. Throwing shade at Julie Bishop, it’s hard to believe this isn’t neither part of a comedy sketch nor is it Chris Lilley dressed up in a role more ridiculous than even Mr G. Watch, rinse your ears with acid, and try to recover from how painfully embarrassing this is for everyone involved. Then proceed to watch it again and again and again.
I still can’t decide what’s more perfect, the fact that this moment actually took place, or the eye gougingly awkward silence the ENTIRE time. It’s half funny, half horrendous, but 100% worth watching.
All I can ever ask, is why did he think this would be a good idea. In what Universe would this make you look good? Luckily for us this is forever encapsulated in vines and youtube videos galore, to brighten up any dark day you may have.
Give it a watch, it’s solid gold.
— Mark Di Stefano (@MarkDiStef) September 15, 2015
5. The sassiest press release of all time
We all have those petty moments every now and again, whether it’s a “K” text when you’re annoyed or slamming a door to show your frustration. What we don’t see much of however, is when these petty moments affect even politicians. As in, actual politicians who decide important things like our LAWS and HOW THE COUNTRY RUNS. You know, major stuff that affects us all.
Anthony Albanese and Sydney Airport Chairman Max Wilton-Moore have never exactly been BFF’s, so when it was announced that Wilton-Moore was retiring, Albanese responded in the most perfect way possible.
Is this an argument between 13 year old girls? Did one steal the others boyfriend? It’s so sassy I don’t even know how to react.
When contacted to see if there was more, he simply responded saying “No, no that’s all we have to say”. So fitting.
6. Bill Shorten dancing like an over-excited toddler
Dad bods may be all the rage right now, but dad dancing will still never be okay. When it’s your own dad it’s kinda cute and forgivable, but Bill Shorten dancing? That’s something we could all do without having in our memories, yet (un)fortunately for us, it’s all over the internet, headdress and all. Kind of horrendous, weirdly endearing.
This can be best described as ‘over-excited toddler at a wiggle party’. It needs to be seen to be believed.
— BuzzFeedOz Politics (@BuzzFeedOzPol) November 3, 2015
No one was really too sure on how to feel about the whole ordeal.
Even if it did make everyone who watched it feel slightly queasy, at least it proved that he’s infact human. He may be a typical politician and no idea how to interact with children in a non creepy nor eye-gougingly awkward way, but he does at least dad dance. So he must be slightly human after all.
7. Poetry reading in a Senate meeting
Poetry is beautiful stuff, something which apparently no-one knows better than Minister for the Arts George Brandis. Brandis found nothing quite like kicking back with a copy of classic Australian bush poems during a Senate meeting, stating “I find it very easy to read and listen to Senate estimates at the same time.”
Um, okay George, whatever you say pal.
While regular people would just look at their phone under the table, good old Brandis has no shame in showing his love for bush poems, and clearly doesn’t care if he gets caught. Lesson learned, if you’re gonna avoid doing work, do so proudly. Not like he’s paid through people’s taxes or anything like that…
Well, at least he’s putting his $15,000 tax paid custom bookshelf to good use. You’re welcome for that by the way George.
8. Barnaby Joyce going to war with Johnny Depp over his dogs
This is him, to give a little context into his character. Source
Not many people would take on mega-star Johnny Depp and his model wife, that is aside from the one and only Barnaby Joyce. Yes the man who looks like he still gets his mum to tie his shoelaces managed to strip all possible dignity and superstar quality from one of the most famous actors in the world. Not only by taking him to court, but through a video that will make pulling out your own teeth seem more fun than what they’re going through.
— Lucy Sweeney (@lucysween) May 14, 2015
The apparently menial crime of bringing in two terriers didn’t go down lightly with Joyce, telling them to “bugger off back to the United States”, could it be more Aussie?
THE JOHNNY DEPP DOG APOLOGY VIDEO IS OUT AND IT’S AMAZING pic.twitter.com/eeL2FQemyg
— Josh Butler (@JoshButler) April 18, 2016
Not only did he want the dogs to leave the country, he also wanted them put down. Joyce clearly doesn’t muck about when it comes to small terriers entering the country. Many would let it blow over with a quick slap on the wrist, but ooooooh no. In case you’ve been living under a rock, here is the only explanation to how Depp’s apology video probably came about.
The begging for mercy in his eyes is so raw. Joyce managed to bring one of Hollywood’s most famous actors to their knees, their shameful embarrassed knees, in one of the most hilarious and wonderful ways possible.
The fall of Captain Jack Sparrow, brought on by the one and only department of agriculture and water resources. Not super catchy, but still a stronger story line than Pirates of the Caribbean 4.
This man. THIS. MAN. He brought down Captain Jack Sparrow with some Biodiversity laws and a grainy apology video. Now that’s gotta deserve a little respect.
9. Tony Abbott in bogan sunglasses
If you can think of anything more painful than politicians visiting labourers at work and trying not to stick out like a sore thumb, congratulations. Abbott somehow succeeded in making a usually awkward enough situation 10x worse, through the simple act of putting on a pair of bogan sunglasses and taking a selfie.
Not only did the lad who took the selfie help create one of the most uncomfortable images of 2015, but also made the existence of these memes a reality. How else did Tony see this unfolding, did he think he’d become a certified style icon? Oh Tony, why do you never learn?
10. Abbott’s obsession with onions
Don’t we all love the feeling of biting into a good old juicy onion at the end of a rough day? Oh, no? Someone better tell Tony Abbott. This onion-loving maniac just can’t get enough of the stuff, munching down on a whole onion at when visiting an onion farm (as you do), and confusing the hell out of everyone in the process.
If anything is proof of lizard people running the world, it’s Tony Abbot eating an onion. Raw. Skin on.https://t.co/fLR4aFjpE5
— Sam (@korvys) September 3, 2015
This would be weird enough if it was the first time this had happened, but of course, good old Tony has taken part in these kind of onion shenanigans before. For some strange reason I can’t quite picture Obama biting into a whole onion, skin and all, while visiting a rural onion farm. Only in Australia.
This fella is just trying to take it all in Source
We feel you buddy. The confusion is mutual.
https://vine.co/v/O9deFBO6HZW – embed
11. John Howard’s sporting ‘achievements’
John Howard may be second longest serving PM, but the poor guy has never really been the best at sports.
It may have been over 10 years ago, but John Howard still can’t quite live down the embarrassment of bowling not just one, but three dead bowls during his trip to Pakistan in 2005. Not only was he playing against school children, but he also later applied to be President of the International Cricket Council. Perhaps they found someone a tad more fitting for the job?
John Howard may have brought in gun control laws that helped transform the country, but the poor guy has never really been the best at sports.
So he’s clearly not the best at cricket, how about golf?
Aside from almost taking a chunk out wife Janette, he seems to have a pretty clean record. However, almost hitting your significant other when trying out your new clubs is a bit of a no-go. Just look at her expression, if that’s not the face of a woman who truly believes a golf club will be flying near her face at any second, then I don’t know what is.
Even the tracksuits are enough to send someone into a pit of despair. Janette, your expression says it all.
12. Shoes being thrown at John Howard not once, but twice
During a Q&A with John Howard, humanitarian activist Pete Gray through both of his shoes at the former PM over disagreement about the 2003 invasion of Iraq. Closely resembling the shoe throwing at George Bush 2 years earlier, this version is the tamer, more polite version. Good on you Aus.
Not only did he miss by miles, but Gray also apologised to the interviewer before the shoe chucking commenced. Gray sadly passed from cancer a few years later, with the infamous shoes being sold to raise money for an aid organisation. Funny at the time, meaningful far beyond the incident.
Fantastically, this wasn’t even the first time Howard has had shoes chucked at him. Back in 2009 while speaking at Cambridge University, an Aussie in the audience chucked his boot at Howard, shouting; “You make me ashamed to be Australian. Go home, racist.”.
The best part? He asked for his boot back after he was escorted out. The poor lads request was “politely turned down”. Worth a shot ey?
Who Said Politics Has To Be Dull?
Whenever you feel like your life is spiraling out of control, just remind yourself that at least it’s not as crazy as Australian politics. Sure the majority of politics may be filled with dull people making dull laws in a dull way, but when there’s this many divas and out-right what-the-hell moments thrown in, Aussies seem to make even Politics entertaining.
In a world so crazy and often depressing, the whole world thanks you for keeping human spirit and hilarity alive. We all live for the weird and wacky moments that make us forget about the horrors in the world like taxes and wars and Donald Trump, and sometimes Blank Space being sung by a politician or Tony Abbott’s love for onions is all we really need.