Back in Sec 2, I confided in my bestie at the time about this classmate of ours whom I was crushing on, hardcore. Her response, delivered stone-cold with a straight face?Ā
āIf you want him to even consider you, I think you should start by at least shaving your legs first.ā
Such was the story of my life. I gazed down to see my fair-skinned legs, prickly with dark and coarse hair shooting out like cactus needles.Ā
Itās not that I didnāt want to shave, either. It was such a high-commitment chore! Dealing with the little āseedlingsā in between clean-shaven and full-blown strands is a literal pain too. Iāve ever had a friend politely request for me to not stand so close to her during P.E ācause my fresh hair tips were āpokingā her.Ā
Here are some other hairy situations Iāve found myself in along the way, and how Iāve eventually come to accept myself in all my fuzzy glory.
To fully grasp the degree of my desperation to become hairless, even as a preteen, letās journey back to my primary school years in Australia. Surrounded by Caucasians with significantly lighter and finer āpeach fuzzā as compared to my dark black upper lip strands, I was mercilessly teased for being a girl with a MOUSTACHE.
Obviously I couldnāt just strut into a hair removal centre as a literal child, so my young and foolish self decided to experiment with some DIY home remedies insteadā¦by smearing honey on my upper lip and trying to rip my āstache off with masking tape.
More tales of my hair removal misadventures later on! But first, some everyday inconveniences that Iām sure all my hairy sistas can relate to.Ā
The staggering amount of hair I have on my arm, coupled with their sheer length and darkness, means that any time I get cold and start getting goosebumps, the thousands of strands shoot towards the skies and stand on edgeā¦swaying in the breeze like a lalang field.Ā
Image adapted from: Cheer Up Emo Kid
Being hairy also means you have to tailor your activity schedule and clothing choices to a tee. Planning on donning a skirt, dress or shorts tomorrow? Better make sure you wake up early to shave those gams.Ā
Heading to the beach or pool requires full-body de-hairifying (totally not a real word btw), a task which requires more commitment and energy than Iād care to muster on a regular basis.Ā
Image credit: Renae Cheng
Iāve heard of some hairy gal pals who are so self-conscious that theyād even shave before a massage session at the spa, ācause God forbid the masseuse feels even a single prickle when sheās just trying to do her job.
While the larger body parts receive immediate attention, tiny areas have the potential to cramp our style too. I canāt begin to tell you how many manicures I passed up on documenting online, or photos of cute rings and bracelets I avoided posting because my pesky knuckle hairs can be seen.Ā
Ahhh yes, donāt even get me started on stepping out with toe revealing footwear without having taken care of the toe hairs. Time to U-turn home, head hanging with shame!
Because I was visibly hairier than most girls since I was a child, I grew increasingly desensitised to being the subject of various āstereotypesā throughout my 24 years on this Earth.Ā
The most common one would be that hairy girls have a higher sex drive, which I guess isnāt that far-fetched biologically speaking as hairiness does correlate with higher amounts of testosterone. Still, itās pretty strange for someone to sneak a peek of your hairiness before sizing you up as some horndog.
Iāve also heard people claiming that hairiness equates to higher intelligence, which sounds like an absolutely made-up statement used as consolation so hairy girls donāt feel soā¦manly and self-conscious.Ā
Perhaps the most absurd belief thatās been fed to me, was an auntie telling me with all the confidence in the world that I was #blessed to be extra hairy, as body hair is a natural way of warding off the supernatural. I kid you not, she was aggressively urging me NEVER to shave my body hair no matter the circumstances. For that would mean stripping myself of my protection against ghosts. Ummmā¦
Besides stereotypes ranging from silly to somewhat scientifically sound, there are also cultural beliefs pertaining to female body hair that are, pardon the pun, rooted in tradition.
Back in secondary school, a girl in our Modern Dance CCA became fairly notorious for not shaving her pits. While this was no biggie on regular days, the coach explicitly ordered her to remove her rather bushy tufts of underarm hair during competition season as it stood out severely when the entire team was clad in light-coloured, sleeveless costumes.Ā
According to the poor lass, body hair removal is a strict no-no in her family due to cultural guidelines stemming several generations. Even shaving once for a performance before letting it grow out again afterwards would land her in hot water with her super traditional mum, so she stood her ground against the dance coach and was eventually booted out of the CCA altogether š
After my childhood āmasking tape and honeyā DIY waxing experiment failed spectacularly, I had no choice but to slowly and painfully tweeze out the hairs surrounding my mouth, strand by excruciating strand.Ā
I discovered threading during my poly years and, although it still hurt like crazy, at least the process was done and dusted in 5 minutes flat. For the uninitiated, threading involves skilfully yanking fine hairs out with swift motions of a twisted thread.Ā
The pain always leads to tears in my eyes by the end of the procedure, but the aestheticians never fail to smile supportively and pass me a tissue after gingerly soothing my newly bald upper lip area with aromatic jasmine water. It really makes you feel loved <3
Facial hair aside, Iāve dabbled in all the conventional ways of body hair removal you could think of.Ā
Shaving regularly is a chore, and it doesnāt help that I suffer from eczema and sensitive skin which is only aggravated by constantly running razors across raw wounds.
Side note: Has anyone ever paused to think about how ridiculous shaver ads for women are? Theyāre always showcasing the product gliding over some picture-perfect modelās already smooth and completely hairless leg.Ā
Thereās a meme that says, āIf you want to impress, shave a gorilla insteadā. While we donāt condone animal cruelty, we couldnāt agree more on the uselessness of some mainstream advertising imagery.Ā
Hair removal creams seemed almost too good to be true. Smear a magical concoction on your hairy areas, leave it on while you chill and do your own thang and, hey presto! Those pesky hairs have been ridden without you feeling a thing?
Once I caught sight of the squiggly remains of my hairs which were destroyed by a harmless looking cream, it sank in just how harsh and potentially dangerous the formula was. Especially for somebody whoās already plagued with skin issues. Iāve also heard horror stories from fellow hairy females who had left the cream on a tad too long and suffered searing chemical burns as a result. Big yikes.
Then we have waxing, which is often associated with high pain, but high reward. Endure one split second of pain, in exchange for an entire patchās worth of hair uprooted at one go. What Iāve learnt, however, is that the psychological torture of the moments leading up to The Big Rip are perhaps even harder to handle.
Just between you and meā¦the brazilian area is undoubtedly the most unbearable. The skin is more delicate, but the hairs are conversely thicker ācause our bodies were designed to protect our reproductive organs.Ā
The last time I lay down on the waxing bed, lady bits out in the open while the aesthetician smeared hot wax around my nooks and crannies, I found myself fully relating to Cardi Bās infamous waxing tweet, and seriously contemplated tapping out halfway as well.
Last but not least, thereās IPL or laser removal. Yet another method that seems too good to be true, the aesthetician goes āzip, zap, zopā on your desired areas and boom. Youāre bald as a baby.Ā
Because IPL is a relatively fuss-free and convenient procedure where high-tech machinery is employed, the prices can be a tad high. This means sketchy salons will take to social media with promotions claiming to give you lifetime, unlimited lifetime IPL for next to nothing. DO NOT FALL FOR IT.
My foolish self sauntered into one such salon, expecting my hairy woes to be behind me as I could swing by after work and zap my hairs away whenever I wanted, for the rest of my days.Ā
Long story short, theyāll reveal that the amazing promotion only applies to an ancient, outdated IPL machine which will āstingā terribly when operated on you (their words, not mine). Anyone would be freaked out at this point, given the way they liken the procedure to medieval torture. So they come swooping in with an introduction to their brand new IPL machine which will be 100% painless, but also available only at a 1000% marked up price. Hooray!
I got them to rip up my patient application form that day and proceeded to walk out.Ā
My self-loathing used to be so severe, Iād even blame my parents for imparting upon me these genes of extreme hairiness. Looking back, I truly have come a long way since the days of being so crippled by self-consciousness, I didnāt even dare to head out wearing sleeveless tops, lest I incur judgemental stares to my ātiger-stripedā hairy arms.
As a secondary school student who had nary a thing to worry about save for āOā Level prep, dedicating a solid hour or so every day to rid my entire physical being of unwanted hair seemed totally worth the effort. Growing up and having bigger fish to fry in terms of lifeās responsibilities has made me realiseā¦nobody cares all that much.
Now that Iāve been thrust into the workforce and have to juggle a social life, staying active and everything else that young adulthood entails, Iād gladly snooze for an additional 45 minutes if it means having to strut into the office with a bit of fuzz on my face. Just as Iād forego an IPL session with what little free time I have during weekends to catch up with an old friend, in all my hairy glory that they probably couldnāt care less about.
These days, any hair removal I invest in is to achieve a state of hygiene, comfort and inner peace where I feel beautiful and good about myself, instead of succumbing to societyās norms to the point of obsession and unnecessary expenditure.Ā
āHello world, itās been a while since we saw the light of dayā ā my legs, probably.
Even where my love life is concerned, I do go through the ritual of shaving pre-date just to remain presentable should I choose to throw on a leg-baring ensemble. But as we all mature into proper grownups who possess adequate understandings of how human bodies work, I wouldnāt be caught dead dating a man who squirms at the sight of a little stubble, as if women are supposed to be some slick, hairless mythical creatures.
From the money I get to save instead of buying exorbitant treatment packages to the numerous hours of shaving and tweezing I can now dedicate to better usage, Iām glad I finally reached a point of accepting the skin, and HAIRā¦that Iām in.Ā
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