The girls in Singapore clubs are a mysterious bunch, you never know what their intentions are on their night out. But worry no more guys! Here’s your go-to-guide to identify all the different types of girls you may run into the next time you’re at a Singapore club.
The good. The Bad. And the ones your mother warned you about.
(Note: this article is tongue in cheek, no offence intended to the female population!)
#1 The Girl Finding Love in a Hopeless Place
(Props to anyone who knows this song)
The Girl Finding Love in a Hopeless Place recently turned 29, all her peers are happily married and throwing baby showers every other week while she is still single. All she wants is a nice guy who will marry and make cute little babies with her. Jealous of her bestie expecting a fourth child, she cries alone at night. Her biological clock is ticking. All she needs is a man in her life.
She takes to the clubs in a last ditch attempt to find her knight in shining armor. Snapping pics with random guys she meets every night, she uploads it to Facebook to stick it to her married friends.
However, her news-feed flooded with baby pics greets her the morning after. She will cry herself to sleep again.
- Defining Characteristics: Putting arms around random guys for pics
- Abilities: Steady hands
#2 The Gold Digger
Picture credit: epic jaws
The Gold digger can be found in 6-inch heels with the tightest body-con dress. She works hard for her killer body and isn’t afraid to show it off – she’ll need it to snag her next sugar-daddy. Her eyes are constantly scanning the club for that filthy rich (90% of the time ugly) guy that can feed her voracious appetite for materialistic objects.
Until then, leeching free drinks from poor guys will do. Avoid. At. All. Costs.
- Defining Characteristics: Gravitates to VIP tables with expensive bottles
- Natural Habitat: Pangaea
- Abilities: Emptying bank accounts
#3 The Drunk
- Defining Characteristics: Eating own hair, One tit hanging out,
- Natural Habitat: The pavement
- Abilities: Vomit
#4 The Ah Lian
Photo credit: edmw
The Ah Lian has made some questionable decisions in life. You can tell from her boyfriend’s name tattooed across her chest. Or from the fact that she ran away from home. She frequents clubs with her Ah Beng friends in big groups because nothing else exciting is happening in her life – apart from slapping her mum.
- Defining Characteristics: Under-aged, Non-stop selfies, Nickname is ßáƃyXía0zнú
- Natural Habitat: St. James Power Station
- Abilities: Eh-Wah, Eh-Wah Eh-Wah!
#5 The Girl who is Friends with Everybody
The Girl who is Friends with Everybody is attractive and has a great personality. She can’t walk two steps without recognizing someone she knows because everybody wants to know her. Her night is spent catching up with long lost friends at every turn, want to be her friend? Get in line.
- Defining Characteristics: Calls staff members by first name, Gets ushered to the front of the VIP queue
- Natural Habitat: VIP table
- Abilities: Free entry and drinks
#6 The Fat Chick
(No offence to ALL fat people, this is just generalising for fun!)
The Fat chick has some self-esteem issues and hates leaving the house. The only time she stops binging in front of the TV is during her birthday. Her friends have managed to persuade her to crawl out of her she-cave and assured her the darkness of the club will mask her fats from view.
Now it’s 4AM, the first (and probably last) guy finally approaches her, drunk, he stumbles over with a blank look throughout their awkward conversation. She then sheepishly tells him “I’m leaving now you know?, *blink, blink* it’s my birthday”. *ahem*
Beer-googles saves the day and our stud updates Twitter the following morning:
- Defining Characteristics: Barely fits through door
- Natural Habitat: Clubs with low lighting
- Abilities: Patience
#7 The Girl who is Actually an Auntie
The Girl who is actually an Auntie is in her forties. She is experiencing a mid-life crisis and going all #YOLO to the shock of her husband and children. After hearing that many hot blooded males have a penchant for MILFs, she hits the dance floor and loves it with the help of muscle cream slathered on her joints.
She knows she’s 40, you know she’s 40, but that’s how she rolls. She’ll appreciate it if you don’t say anything.
- Defining Characteristics: Wrinkles, Saggy skin
- Natural Habitat: Shanghai Dolly
- Abilities: Bragging about son’s achievements
#8 The Wallflower
The Wallflower comes from a nice family and is a straight-A student. She is the type of girl you are proud to bring home to mom. She is usually mugging till the wee hours of the morning or playing with her dogs or whatever good girls do.
But not tonight. She has decided to release her inhibitions and join her friends in a bid to have a “wild night out”.
- Defining Characteristics: Using her phone all night
- Natural Habitat: In the corner somewhere looking awkward. Tip: Lose the phone.
- Abilities: Camouflage
#9 The Attention Seeking Girl
The Attention Seeking Girl is insecure and loves to be the center of attraction because it validates her perception of herself as an interesting individual. This can manifest itself in dressing, personality or behaviour. She clubs in a bid to satisfy her need for external gratification and validation.
She is constantly creating drama which revolves around her specifically for this reason.
- Defining Characteristics: Fueling fights, Making out with other girls
- Abilities: Immaturity
#10 The Sarong Party Girl
The Sarong Party Girls comes in all shapes and sizes – from hour-glasses to watermelons. But they all have one goal in common, snatching up an ang moh boyfriend.
- Defining Characteristics: Rejects local men, Fake accent
- Natural Habitat: Attica
- Abilities: Playing hard to get
#11 The Girl Who Genuinely Wants to have Fun
Although their numbers are dwindling, thankfully, most girls in Singapore clubs actually fall into this list. They are on a night to have fun and they know how to have fun.
Which type of girl appeals to you the most? Have you ran into any type of girl while clubbing that are not included here?
Let us know in the comments!
