Singaporean couples’ fears before having kids

Most Singaporean couples experience a mix of excitement and very real fears before deciding to become parents. Many want the joy of building a family – watching a child grow, creating a home together, and experiencing a new kind of love – but still worry about what they might have to give up along the way.

And while those worries are completely human, 3 couples we spoke to found that reality was much less scary than they thought. The fears they once had gradually transformed into moments of growth, happiness, and unexpected purpose. Unanimously, they agreed that parenthood has reshaped their lives in ways they didn’t see coming. Here are the fears 3 Singaporean couples had before having children, and what they discovered along the way:

1. “I was afraid our relationship would fall apart from all the stress and sleep deprivation.”

Reality: The tough moments actually brought them closer, because they realised every argument came from caring deeply and being on the same team.

Image credit: Renae Cheng

Renae (30) and her husband Heng Soon (33) went into parenthood with a pretty common worry: that the stress of caring for a newborn would strain their relationship. Renae imagined the exhaustion, lack of sleep, and sudden loss of couple time turning into constant arguments. “I was afraid our relationship would be affected, that we’d keep fighting because of the stress and sleep deprivation,” she shared.

And yes, the transition from their carefree DINK life to new parenthood hit Renae and her husband harder than either of them anticipated. “Because we were both hyper-anxious first-time parents, the smallest things would set us off,” she admitted.

Image credit: Renae Cheng 

One of their earliest arguments happened when her husband was convinced their baby had a high fever and wanted to rush out and buy a $200 digital thermometer. To Renae, the baby felt perfectly fine – but to him, she was “burning up”. What started as two different instincts ended in angry words neither of them truly meant, fuelled purely by fear and wanting the best for their child.

But it was in the aftermath of these arguments that their partnership grew stronger. Once the baby settled and they’d both showered off the sweat and baby puke, they made a point to talk things through honestly, without defensiveness. They learnt why each of them reacted the way they did, what was really going on beneath the anger, and how to avoid running into a similar situation again.

Image credit: Renae Cheng 

Through the exhaustion, misunderstandings, and reconciliations, Renae and her husband discovered something bigger than the conflicts: they weren’t fighting against each other; they were fighting for their family. And each time they found their way back to each other, their partnership grew stronger than before. They have grown more aligned and committed to navigating this new chapter together with their 3-month-old daughter, Ruby.

“While arguments still arise, they actually bring us closer because we realised that the only reason we fight is that we care deeply for Ruby and are on the same team,” Renae shared.

2. “I was afraid motherhood would derail my career.”

Reality: As it turns out, most of the pressure came from herself, not her workplace.

Image credit: Kimberly Wong

Kimberly (33) and her husband Evan (41) had a very different starting point. Kimberly’s hesitation about motherhood was centered on her fear of falling behind in her career. As someone who took on many responsibilities at work and was heading towards a promotion, discovering she was pregnant was terrifying for her.

“I was worried that going on maternity leave would mean taking a backseat at work, or giving up opportunities I’d spent years building towards,” she shared. Juggling a full-time job with almost no help at home only made the fear louder.

After returning from maternity leave, she felt the pressure to prove she could still “perform”, especially after months of brain fog, broken sleep, and the life reset that motherhood demands. At one point, she even told her supervisor to give her promotion to someone else because she felt unworthy of it.

But reality turned out to be far kinder. Her colleagues didn’t judge her for leaving early on some days to tend to her kids, or having calls interrupted by a crying baby. If anything, they understood. And as more parents joined the team, she found herself surrounded by people who simply got it. Looking back now, she realises most of the pressure came from herself, not the people around her, and that motherhood doesn’t have to come at the expense of one’s career.

“Now that I look back, I realise a lot of those worries were mostly in my own head,” Kim added. “I’ve also been incredibly lucky to work with genuinely kind and understanding teammates who never held motherhood against me.” 

3. “I didn’t think I was ready to be a mother”

Reality: Motherhood showed her that you don’t step into the role perfectly formed; you grow into it with every battle you face.

Image credit: Farah Aidi 

Farah (28) always imagined she’d ease into motherhood. She grew up caring for nieces and nephews, so she assumed the instincts would come naturally. But when her son Saif Danial arrived, a deeper fear surfaced – what if I’m not ready for this?

She still feels that way sometimes. “Up till today, there are moments where I feel I’m not ready,” she shared. The first time her baby fell sick, she froze. “I always thought it would come naturally, but no. My mind went blank – there were so many things I could have done, but I didn’t.” That moment made her question her readiness more than anything else.

Another wake-up call came when her baby fell ill for the first time. She realised her reactions now had a direct impact on someone else’s life. “Do I bring him to the doctor? Is this something I can treat at home? When is it considered an emergency?” Those everyday decisions carried weight she wasn’t expecting, and they forced her to confront the fear that maybe she wasn’t as prepared as she thought.

But those same moments also helped her grow into the role. Each stumble, fever, and tiny crisis taught her how quickly she could adapt – and how much her presence mattered. Instead of confirming her fears, they built her confidence. As she and her husband, Shahrizan (28), learned to navigate parenthood together, Farah discovered that “readiness” wasn’t a requirement. In fact, it’s something she’d build as she grew alongside Saif, one small moment at a time.

“I don’t think anyone will ever be ‘ready’ to be a parent as there will always be something new to learn,” Farah added. “Your baby will be your best teacher. So, you only need to be ‘ready’ to learn as you go!” 

4. “I was afraid I’d lose myself & end up regretting my entire decision.”

Reality: Instead, she discovered a new version of herself that felt more grounded, purposeful, and fulfilled than her pre-baby life.

Image adapted from: Renae Cheng 

For Renae, the fear that lingered longest wasn’t about the practical stuff. Instead, it was the quiet worry that she might lose herself once the baby arrived. She loved her old rhythms: long naps, dance classes, gaming sessions that stretched for hours, and the freedom to do things entirely in her own time. The idea of letting all that go made her wonder if she’d end up missing her old life too much. “I was afraid I’d regret everything,” she said. “That I’d find my new life dreadful.”

But as a newly-minted mum, she has grown to realise that it isn’t as black-and-white as she imagined. Motherhood hasn’t erased who she is, but only added another layer to her identity. And she’s slowly figuring out how to hold onto the things she loves while growing into this new version of herself.

Renae dancing while Ruby watches her.
Image credit: Renae Cheng 

These days, she squeezes in quick fitness sessions by playing dance workout videos on her phone with her baby on the bed beside her. “Maybe she finds it entertaining to see this big figure waving around in front of her,” Renae laughed. She even imagines them dancing together one day, a dream rooted in the kicks her daughter gave in the womb whenever music played during her pregnancy. “Who knows? That may very well be the way we bond in future!”

Image credit: Renae Cheng 

“Since having my baby, I’ve embraced my new identity as a mum and this new motherhood chapter in life,” she added. “The fulfilment I derive from just seeing the smile on Ruby’s face and knowing that I am the reason behind her happiness and safety is totally unparalleled. Whatever highs I experienced pre-baby don’t even come close. I can’t imagine ever going back to life before I had a child!”

5. “I didn’t think I’d be patient enough, or even a good parent.”

Reality: She learned to understand her child better with time.

Kimberly’s initial fear was whether she’d be a good mother. She never doubted her love, but she did doubt her patience. Toddlerhood hit hard, especially with her son, who’s extra emotional.

“There were so many moments I had to admit I was parenting wrong,” she said. “I’d misdiagnose the situation, lose my temper, and he’d have an explosive meltdown. I truly felt like a failure.”

Kimberly and her two kids, Ellie and Erik, aged 5 and 7.
Image credit: Kimberly Wong

What helped shift things was learning to slow down – and the support of her husband, who seems to have a sixth sense for the kids’ emotions. “He has way more patience than I do,” she said. Over time, she adjusted her approach and understood her son better. Now that her son is 5, their relationship is much healthier.

Her biggest piece of advice for new parents? Go easy on yourself – and maybe step back from social media. “Just because one mum does baby-led weaning doesn’t mean you’re any less of a parent if you don’t,” she said. “Everyone parents differently, and everyone goes at their own pace.”

6. “I was worried we wouldn’t make a good team and grow resentful.”

Reality: Learning to communicate, divide roles, and support each other brought out a stronger sense of teamwork.

Image credit: Farah Aidi 

In the beginning, Farah and her husband barely had a moment to themselves after Saif was born. Between feeds, naps, and settling into new routines, couple time naturally took a backseat. “We did not really have that much time for each other at the start,” she said. “That caused misunderstandings, and sometimes a bit of resentment.”

But instead of pulling them apart, those early challenges helped them understand what they needed from each other. They started talking more, checking in more often, and figuring out how to share responsibilities in a way that played to both their strengths. As Farah put it, “With better communication, we found out that we are created to support and complement each other.”

Over time, their teamwork became one of the best things about parenthood. It’s a reminder that while couple time may look different, the bond itself can grow deeper and more connected than before.

7. “We will not be able to afford raising a child.”

Reality: The financial support available in Singapore gave them far more breathing room than they expected.

Image for illustrative purposes only. 

Like many new parents, Renae and Heng Soon once worried about whether they could afford to raise a child in Singapore. Renae has seen comments online about babies costing a million dollars to raise over the years and joked, “Gurl, I’m broke!”

But when their daughter arrived, the reality was far less intimidating. The support they received – such as the Baby Bonus Scheme – surprised them in the best way possible. “The amount of money we received in government payouts exceeded our expectations,” she said. Renae’s husband even joked that at just a few months old, their daughter already had more in her Child Development Account (CDA) than he had in his bank account.

Image for illustrative purposes only. 

For them, having that financial buffer made a big difference. Instead of stressing over the necessities, they could focus on settling into parenthood and enjoying their baby’s milestones. It reminded them that while raising a child is a big responsibility, they weren’t doing it alone.

And it’s not just financial support, either. Renae shared that the new Shared Parental Leave scheme has made a meaningful difference to their lives. “Because of the nature of my husband’s job, we couldn’t split the leave evenly between us during the newborn phase,” she explained. “But having six weeks of parental leave to use throughout the year for medical appointments or unforeseen emergencies gives us so much peace of mind.” 

Starting your parenthood journey

At the end of the day, nobody feels 100% ready for parenthood, and that’s completely okay. The fears don’t vanish overnight, but they often grow into new forms of confidence, joy and purpose as couples find their own rhythm. As Farah put it playfully, “We are all learning, baby included!” And that’s the heart of it – parenthood is a journey you grow into, one small moment at a time.

If you’re thinking about what starting a family could look like for you, take a moment to reflect on what “family” means in your life, the meaning it might add, and the ways it might surprise you. Sometimes the smallest beginnings open the door to joy you never expected.

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This post was brought to you by Made For Families
Cover image adapted from: Renae Cheng