Know friends like these?

Our energy feeds off the people and environment we choose to surround ourselves in. Some people say we are the average of the 5 friends we spend the most time with. The good thing is it’s never too late to evaluate. We can choose the type of friends we want in our lives by examining our personal relationships and deciding if they’re worth the time and effort.

People cling onto shitty friendships for a variety of reasons, fear of being deemed a “loser with no friends” or the association of status that a bad friend provides are the most pernicious. If a friend is unrepentant and downright shitty time and time again, I say it’s time to cut that shit loose.


1. The Narcissist aka. “I only love myself”


Being friends with the narcissist makes one a fortune-teller because the topic of conversation is going to be the same every single damn time. It’s your privilege to be friends with them and listening to them ramble on about themselves is how you repay their royal friendship.

Occasionally, you might be able to talk about stuff that doesn’t involve them for 5 seconds without them interrupting but it’s usually because they’re texting someone (about themselves). Although dependent on them being unusually nice, you know you’ve hit the jackpot when they put in the effort to pretend they’re listening to you.

2. The Flaker aka. Pangsei King/Queen


Interactions with the flaker is comprised of every possible way, texts, calls, facebook messaging, everything except face to face communication simply because they NEVER SHOW UP. I’m too tired. I’m hungover. I lost my phone. My cat died. My mom chained me to my bed.

They reach inside their giant bag of bullshit and pull out something convenient. Hmmm… let me see what I draw today, Oh the classic “down with the flu”. I’ll go with that!

3. The Patronizer aka. “I own you at everything”


They believe they are superior in every possible way and can’t help but be condescending towards others from their golden pedestal. They never intentionally mock but the belief in their own superiority is so strong and deep rooted that it leaks out like a faulty faucet.

Albeit indirectly, the subtle signs of their behavior and actions always point to them being better at EVERYTHING. Be it physical attributes, academic achievements or genital size.

4. The Jealous aka. Back Stabber


The jealous friend holds you back from reaching your full potential because they secretly pray that you will fail. Witnessing their friends attain milestones and strive towards goals fills them with hatred because they are threatened by the success of others.

Instead of looking up to the success of friends as inspiration, back stabbers take it as a personal attack on their incompetence and will never truly feel happy for you.

Hiding behind a veil of smiles and disingenuous compliments, they look at where you are compared to them and shriek “BITCH! NO ONE CAN BE BETTER THAN ME!” then grab your ankles and drag you down into the dirt with negative energy.

5. The Pretentious aka. Snob


They don’t know what they are saying or doing half the time but just pretend they do because they are pretentious little pricks. They are experts in topics ranging from cocktails to intercourse and would gladly shove their “invaluable advice” down your throat to fuel their superciliousness (pun intended).

In reality they are just deluded beings who lull themselves to believe no one is able to see through their postured act.

6. The Drama Queen aka. Shit Stirrer


A diva like the drama queen never shuts up and is constantly droning on with superficial conversation and pointless interactions. They love to create drama like a contrived reality television show and is insensitive to everything else (think Jersey Shore & Kardashians – trivial and completely pointless).

Perfect as activity partners because constant fun and entertainment is generated but sometimes you finally have enough.

7. The Competitor aka. “Cannot lose at all costs”


Every single activity will eventually turn in to a competition of sorts. At first it seems like harmless fun but it slowly gets annoying because the competitor will do everything in their power to win. At the end of the day, consequence of straining relationships and breaking rapport pales in comparison to the thought of Doomsday – Losing.

8. The Superficial aka. Fake


This is the friend that you will never scratch beneath the surface. It’s impossible to dig deep. The moment you go beyond the epidermis you find a hollow shell within and everything just crumbles. Their presence means it’s time to party and that’s pretty much where it ends.

Forget the metaphorical “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” because this facade is all you get.

9. The Attached


Although most understandable from the lot, it still isn’t any excuse to ignore texts and calls for months on end. They get punch drunk on love (or lust) and hanging out with their new love suddenly takes precedence over hanging out their best buddies. Every. Single. Time.

Guess who they will be coming back to when their relationship ends? Yes you, because you are a good buddy. Then sooner or later, the cycle begins again.


When it comes down to it, they may just be going through a phase as I’m sure most of us have been guilty of being a shitty friend from time to time (I know I have). But what’s important is finding your way back to the light.

Some get lost in shitty friend wasteland and refuse to get out even when you give them directions and a GPS – they stay there forever. Identifying habitual rule breakers and having the courage to sever ties will bring about a sense of liberation.

Know any more shitty types of friends? Let us know in the comments below!

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