When I was in Bayuex, a small town in France a couple of years ago, I made a very interesting observation. The people there were not only gleefully happy, but they were all talking. Not just to their friends, but to everybody.
Everyone was everyone else’s friend and there were people stopping me and asking about me and where I was from, or giving me suggestions to places I should go to or eat. It’s not that hard to bring the practice to our sunny shores with some guidelines and an open mind.
So let’s make a change, infuse some warmth into your day and to your fellow man. Who knows? If you all follow these tips we might see a different Singapore. Or at least, Singapore will be different to you.
The first step to radiating happiness is to be happy yourself. Smiling makes you more approachable, relieves stress and promotes a healthier mindset. So take a second or two and give yourself a wide grin in the mirror before you leave for the day you gorgeous devil!
Next, practice that dashing smile on passersby, the auntie at the coffeeshop, Muthu from the mama shop, anyone you come across. Don’t worry if they don’t smile back, you’re just having a great day and nothing can get you down – which is yet another reason to smile!
Just start by saying hey! Or good morning. It’s so simple but so many of us fumble over it. Couple that with that killer smile you’ve been practicing and you’ll be an unstoppable force! Who would say no to a warm greeting like that?
There’s something good in everyone. The best way that I have found to start a conversation with anyone is to give them a compliment. Love those pumps? Let her know and ask her where she got them. If you take it far enough you might even want to ask if she has a Zalora discount code for cheaper ones.
You’re going to meet all kinds of people: an ah beng from the neighbourhood school just down the road, a scholar from a top school, or you might even find that the uncle who has his morning kopi at the coffeeshop downstairs is a wealth fund manager! They are all going to react differently. You’ll have memorable conversations, make new friends and connections, receive utter silence, or be rudely dismissed.
But hey if that happens just pop back to remembering how great you day is and how you’ve already given them a story to tell their friends.
So you’ve said hello, what’s next? You could straight up ask for what you want to know, “what do you do?”, “what’s your name?”, “where are you from?” etc. But a better and more fun way is to observe and make an educated guess – you’ll reduce the risk of sounding too kaypoh.
How are they dressed? How do they sound? What was their reaction to you? All these are clues to who they might be. Rainbow hair and spiked heels? She’s probably in a creative industry. Dressed in all white? Maybe some guy working for PAP… or the KKK.
Observing and responding shows someone you’re genuinely interested and that you’re paying attention to them. Which is always a nice feeling. Don’t worry if you make a wrong guess, chances are they are going to be curious about why you made the assumption, which leads to yet another conversation.
In my experience, it’s always better to engage your right brain for conversation. So use it! Ask open questions. Questions like “have you had dinner?” or “what do you do?” illicit very straight forward and programmed answers. Instead try “how did you feel about your dinner?” or “what’s it like working in a restaurant?”
The more observant readers might have noticed a pattern in the questions, and the key is in feelings. Feelings are controlled by the right side of the brain and engaging someone in an emotional state is often more interesting than engaging their logical brain. So try it out and you might be surprised by some of the replies you get.
You: Where is my Tau Huay? Him: Weren’t you on Tau Huay duty today? You: Can’t you just give me a break? Him: Can you take our Tau Huay break more seriously?
While it’s true that everyone’s favourite topic is themselves, don’t forget that a conversation goes both ways! Talking about yourself also gives someone a stronger mental footprint of you. So stroke your own ego, toot your own horn, let them know what you care about and what drives you. Be open and they will be more willing to open up too.
Don’t forget to put in some emotion into your speech too. Remember, always engage feelings.
Stranger: Yes, I am from a design school, is it that obvious? You: Haha yeah, I used to hang around design types all the time and we went on some crazy adventures, I remember this one time…
Alright now you have the tools you need to go out there and make some good chit-chat! Your last step is to forget everything here. Social communication should be based on feelings and it ain’t gonna work out if you treat this like a checklist for all your conversations.
Instead internalise these concepts and keep them close to your heart and let everything else flow. Speak with your heart not your mind.
So there you have it, I hope this list inspires you to get out there and take action. You never know who you might meet or inspire, and honestly since you have the power to do it now, it’s your responsibility too!
Go out there and rake up some smiles, talk to that cute girl in line, meet your new business partner, find out about a cool new bar and so much more. Remember the next time you hesitate about talking to someone interesting, you could be missing out on a whole lot of life.
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