Life On Bleak
Oh, Singapore – the island of lush green and stately architecture; of a thriving food scene and buzzing nightlife; of adrenaline-inciting activities and tranquil vibes… And of empty bank accounts and a ruthless cost of living. From food to transport to entertainment, everything comes with such an hefty price tag. Excuse me, you think my father print money ah?
Here are 30 reasons why Singapore is the most expensive city to live in.
1. You can’t even afford to start your morning right.
Less than $2 for your morning dose of kopi to wake you up from your nightmare, only to realise that you never went to sleep? Sorry, but the only thing that’s kosong is my wallet.
2. And it doesn’t get any better.
The last thing you need on a hot and humid day is a cup of bubble tea for $1.20.
3. Food is expensive AND revolting.
$3 for that plate of chicken rice or char kuey teow? I guess I’ll just stick to eating my feelings.
4. Nobody can even afford to eat.
Most definitely not the free lunch at the Singapore Buddhist Lodge.
5. Seriously.
Nor the free samples at food basements and food fairs.
6. Even your usual daily foods are out of the question.
Fishball noodles for $2.70, yet people are still complaining it’s too cheap? Ridiculous.
7. Free Cone Day? Nay.
Thing is, nobody even likes their indulgent Chocolate Fudge Brownie or Cookie Dough ice cream. Ew.
8. Bro, can you afford to lift?
Nobody can afford $1.50 for entry to public gyms and swimming pools. Furthermore, you’re already getting enough exercise running away from reality and swimming in your tears.
9. Don’t even bother trying.
$100 of credit for free with the ActiveSG app? No deal to be found here.
10. Fitness won’t pay the bills.
“My stack of bills are THIS high.” Source
Free taichi sessions in the park? Thanks but no thanks – I’ve got enough taijis (problems) with the sky-high cost of living in Singapore.
11. Entertainment is only for the filthy rich.
Who in the right mind would splurge on free entry to all our museums?
Even the exhibits look fed-up with life.
12. While peasants like us get no pity.
We’ll just have to make do with free entry to the wildlife reserves on our birthdays then. Either that or I’ll just do what I normally do on my birthdays then – stay home and cry.
13. Even birthdays are dismal affairs.
No birthday treats. No free donuts at Krispy Kreme, no free pretzels at Auntie Anne’s, no free drink at Starbucks… The gift of life in Singapore is the worst present ever. I can’t even refund it for store credit.
14. So don’t even think about having a life.
You’ll have no luck at Theatres by the Bay at the Esplanade either. What free performances?
15. It’s enough of a struggle staying alive.
$11.90 to see the doctor? You’ll have to first sell your kidneys to actually treat your kidneys.
16. LOL JK, already emotionally dead.
Will these free N95 masks also mask the fact that you’re dead inside? #thankyouindonesiafor11monthsofcleanair
17. Yet even shopping malls are still rubbing it in.
Nobody needs free air-conditioning in malls when the world is already such a cold, harsh place.
18. Don’t even get me started on transport costs.
Take advantage of the discounted fares for transfers, but bear in mind: no train gets you out of this hell that is life.
19. It’s simply daylight robbery.
Literally trying to rob us at the first sign of daylight – take the MRT to town before 7.45am for free. Ugh. You can even get paid for taking the MRT. URGH!
20. And there’s no escape.
A day trip to Johor Bahru for $2? How much for the bus to simply run over me instead?
21. Everything that’s free is useless.
Thanks for the free charging points in MRT stations to charge your devices, except I don’t have any use for my phone – my life is so sad, I wouldn’t text me back either.
22. Free wi-fi is the worst.
Nobody wants wi-fi that enjoys greater connectivity than you ever had with your dead inner self. Especially when it’s free.
23. So much hair, too little money.
Nobody can afford a haircut at Snip Avenue from $3.50. Not that it matters, since all our hair will fall out from stress in no time.
24. No more hair, still too little money.
$2 haircuts for army boys to qualify for 24 months of free cookhouse food? Still too expensive.
25. Forget about looking put together.
Is it too much to ask for some colour in your dark life? Apparently so. No free nail polish samples to be found at Sephora. Moving on.
26. You certainly can’t afford to pamper yourself.
$2 for a massage at massage chair stations in shopping malls? The only thing they’re rubbing is salt in my wound.
27. It’s impossible to snag a bargain.
10% off house-brand food items with Fairprice’s Big Value Bag deals? More like “Big Deal, Value Bag”.
28. Because discounts are unheard of.
No Great Singapore Sale. No End-Of-Season sales. No mega sales in a certain exhibition hall in the East. None. Those are just bedtime stories.
29. And everything is overpriced.
Daiso, in particular, is the worst. Everything costs at least $2 too much.
30. Everything here is just too expensive.
I’m looking at you, Singapore Really Really Free Market.
Not That Expensive After all
Okay, seriously, Singapore is not an expensive place to live in. And if you’re auntie enough like us, it’s possible to indulge in a myriad entertainment choices without having to dig deep into your pockets. By making smarter decisions, you’ll find you’ll always have savings left at the end of every month! Even some home brands were found to be comparable to premium brands in our recent blind taste test!
There’s always a choice in everything you do. You just have to plan properly!
This article was brought to you by the Labour Movement.