So here you are – in the presence of a gorgeous person you have been crushing on for some time now. Somehow, you managed to score a date with this cutie. The next step? Making sure your feelings are reciprocated, and that you’re not on a one-track road to heartbreak.
Some say it’s impossible to make someone like you if, at the core of it, they don’t harbour any romantic feelings. But don’t lose hope, you can still shift things in your favour. With these psychological hacks and some luck, you may just be on your crush’s mind a little more often.
P.S. Read till the end for an extra date idea, too.
Physical touch is tricky. Too much, and you come off as aggressive. Too little, and you might end up in the friend zone since you don’t show attraction.
A smart move? Engineer situations where physical touch seems natural. For example:
Bonus tip: Always be aware of facial expression or body language to see if he or she is comfortable with touch. If they look uncomfortable or shirk away from you, it’s a sign to dial it down.
You tend to do things for the people you like. So it might be natural to want to run errands for your crush, like buy them breakfast or offer to print their presentation slides for them. But there’s a psychological phenomenon called the Ben Franklin effect – which posits that when we do a favour for someone, it makes us like them more.
“Can you help me take a picture for my IG?” Wow, much strategy.
Basically, it’s our mind trying to make sense of why we are helping this person:
Brain: “Hey, why are you helping him print all these notes?”
“I’m not sure actually. Maybe cause he is nice? Or because I like him?”
“Yeah, you like him.”
Here, we justify and reason that we must like the person enough to help. So, ask your date for favours. Not too crazy, demanding ones – just simple things like, “Can you help me get a coffee while I head to the washroom?” can spark the Ben Franklin effect.
Plant seeds – in this case, possible ideas in your partner’s head by suggesting future date ideas.
Of course, this is during the actual first date. Just oh-so-casually mention ideas for future dates when the opportunity arises. For example:
Him/her: “I’ve always loved Taylor Swift songs.”
You, a smooth operator: “Really? Me too, we could go to her concert the next time she’s here in Singapore!”
Don’t be worried that you’ll come across as presumptuous, by voicing it out, you seem like a fun and future-oriented person – as long as it’s not just empty talk with no follow up.
Once the seed is planted in his or her head, it’s possible that they will mull over the idea and imagine themselves doing the activity with you, making it likely for them to say yes when you gear up the courage to ask him or her out the next time!
Divulging fun facts or things only some people know about you can help your partner feel special – like he or she is allowed to see a more private side of you.
For example: “I never told anyone this before, but…” (of course, don’t lie)
This can foster a deeper and more emotional connection, fast. They will also be more inclined to share personal anecdotes and let down their guard, too!
Bonus tip: Don’t be afraid to create inside jokes or give them nicknames too. This creates an exclusive world where only two of you exist.
If you’re a pro social media stalker like I am, you probably have some idea of your date’s likes and dislikes – be it cafe hopping, checking out indie music acts or something sporty.
Put that to good use by planning a date according to their interests, so that they are more likely to truly enjoy it.
Check out their social media bio for hints.
Here’s the science behind it: using Pavlov’s Theory of Classical Conditioning, people can view something neutral as positive if they are rewarded accordingly. So, if you pair activities they like (reward) with your date (neutral), happiness may be associated with you in time to come.
Bonus tip: If you find something both of you like, even better – the happiness from both parties creates a highly positive atmosphere!
If you don’t want the tried-and-tested route of planning a date based on what he or she already likes, step out of the box and attempt an activity that both of you have never done before.
The novelty of trying something new for the first time, paired with the thrill of a new person, are bound to induce an intoxicating mix of emotions.
When your date thinks of that activity, he or she will be reminded of you and their virgin experience. Be it going to the Canopy Park at Jewel Changi or to CHIJMES for the first time to snap pretty pictures, that place will become associated with you.
Now, you will think of each other whenever you head to those places in the future. Score.
Ever heard of “love at first sight”? That saying seems to have some basis, as eye contact can encourage serious romantic feelings.
This is because of mirror neurons present in our brain – they allow us to feel what other people are feeling through non-verbal cues, and eye contact is one such cue that signifies interest.
Though these hacks might help, at the heart of it all, there isn’t a surefire one to win over your crush. Your best bet is to remain genuine and sincere in your romantic pursuits. You do you! Lying will get you nowhere and pretending to be someone you’re not will just get you into hot water.
Unless you happen to be characters in Wild Rice’s latest production, Oscar Wilde’s The Importance Of Being Earnest. In which case, everything will work out for the best, give or take some hilarious altercations with delicious drama along the way.
Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, directed by Glen Goei. Image credit: Wild Rice
In this classic comedy, two friends Jack and Algernon create a fake identity, “Earnest”, to court the ladies they like – truly taking “pretending who you’re not” to the next level.
Packed with Wilde’s famous lines, each delivered with killer timing by some of Singapore’s finest comic actors, including Chua Enlai, Hossan Leong and Ivan Heng, the play offers a funny yet provocative look at social conventions and courtship of Victorian society that may still apply to Singapore today. Fodder for post-show discussions and sharing of personal stories (see tip #4) to deepen the connection with your date!
Also, it makes for a good excuse to sit side-by-side (see tip #2) and watch the play together at Wild Rice’s intimate theatre at Funan Mall.
With these hacks to level up your next date, and an inspired date night idea thrown in, we hope you can bid those dating apps goodbye real soon.
The Importance of Being Earnest
Dates: From 7 February 2020
Times:Tue – Fri 7.30PM | Sat 2.30PM & 7.30PM | Sun 2.30PM
Venue: The Ngee Ann Kongsi Theatre @ WILD RICE, Funan level 4
Price: From $35
Discounts applicable for Wild Rice Angels, AMEX Cardholders, SAFRA members, students, NSFs & senior citizens.
This post was brought to you by Wild Rice.
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