10 Things That Sum Up Funemployed Life As A Singaporean Fresh Grad

 

The quarter-life crisis is real

Eat all the student meals, save all the money. Source

It is said that social media can be deceiving, and with that I concur. As a Singaporean fresh graduate, the gleaming smiles on our graduation photos as we fling our mortarboards into the air are far from accurate representations of the full emotional spectrum we feel. 

Amidst coping with separation anxieties from your uni BFFs and the slumps of your post-grad trip high, you’re somehow expected of an epiphanous moment where you suddenly figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life. If this sounds familiar, this list is gonna resonate with you.  

1. Accepting that the next time you’re entitled to transport concession is when you’re a senior citizen

Some of you are dying to retire your university EZ-link – the mugshot is testament to your dorkier days as a freshie – but passing up the card also means the end of cheap concession passes.      

JSYK: the next time you’ll be getting a swanky card that conveniently doubles up as back-up ID is when you’re old and wrinkly. 

One day “Teo Choon Mui” will be you. Source

2. Using (read: abusing) your matric card for perks for as long as you look like your photo

Unbeknownst to KFC, Hot Tomato and other F&B outlets, you have been “convincingly persuading” staff into believing your pseudo-student status for the student deals since graduating. You don’t mean to be a scummy scammer of the earth, but your parents just had to cut off the pocket-money, and desperate times call for desperate measures.

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Fingers crossed the staff don’t catch-on till you’re at the “eighth” academic year in uni.

3. Improvising scripts for the question “what are you gonna do for a living?”

Inquisitions from the direct family and every distant relation who’s gotten wind of your recent graduation are flying in. Why so long still no job ah? What are you gonna do for a living? You’ll say anything to get the fambam off your back. 

You’ll say anything to get the fambam off your back. Source

Matter of time before they mobilize the entire family for an intervention, I’m telling you. 

4. Every job out there seems to need “prior experience”

You’ve scanned through tons of job opportunities online, zeroed in on your dream job, scroll down the JD page only to see the three dratted words “prior experience required”. From then on, it’s like those three words are on every. Single. JD. 

You’re left thoroughly convinced there’s some kind of on-going employment conspiracy. 

The meme you thought was funny is now your life. Source

The only logical conclusion is that employers are looking for Hermione Grangers: straight A students with magical time-turners.  

5. Even surfing FB becomes a stressful affair

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These are harsh times. But your Facebook friends – especially those WITH the jobs – are on another level of brutal. Sharing articles detailing the dire state of the economy to the increasing skill gap between uni grads and the jobs they applying for. Don’t they know they’re just fuelling your joblessness angst?

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With fresh grad emotions as volatile as the global economy, it might be best to refrain from scrolling through FB. 

6. Raking up major bank account deficits just by existing

You’ve become the designated hermit of your social group, surviving on a diet comprising exclusively of home-cooked food, since the major economic blow dealt to you when you rented your $150 graduation robes.

What every fresh grad’s iBanking page looks like. 

You’re grateful ATMs offer you an option of “hide account balance” every time you make a withdrawal, because this blissful ignorance is easier to deal with than the reality of your paltry bank balance.  

7. Questioning why we spent years of our lives slogging for a piece of paper

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You either have your degree certificate framed up immaculately or it’s a crumpled dog-eared mess wedged between the lecture notes you keep out of sentimentality. No matter its post-convocation fate, you realize your whole university experience culminates in an A4 sheet. 

Everything that was part of university reality – the Bell Curve God, stellar CAP/GPAs, even your very own choice of major – have limited bearing on what you’ll do for a living. 

8. Attempting to ace the Interviews

Part of winning at fresh grad life is convincingly presenting yourself as a sensible well-groomed adult who can make good decisions. That coupled with an impressive CV will make you a remarkable candidate at any job interview.

When you’re hantam-ed with questions like “where do you see yourselves in five years?” when you haven’t even decided what to have for lunch, the anxiety is enough to for you to break a sweat, sending your pits into sweat-production overdrive. 

Here’s a simple solution to avoid those underarm wet rings. 

9. Your employment status – funemployed – doesn’t appear in the drop down menu

Filling up online forms is excruciating enough on its own, without “employment sections” asking you to stipulate what you do for a living. And these form-makers usually omit “funemployed” as a dropdown option.   

50% gainfully employed, 50% funemployed. Source

There are perks to funemployment – you can chase down Pokemon anytime of the day as they spawn, but it ain’t worth the tossing and turning at night as you repeatedly ask yourself  “What am I doing with my life??”

10. When your internet tells you to feel happy for your friends

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You’re using LinkedIn as part of your job hunt and under any circumstance sans unemployment, you’re more than happy to receive email prompts to congratulate connections on their new vocations. But now that you’re living in precarious uncertainty, your ability to function as decent well-meaning acquaintance has hit rock-bottom. 

It’ll take all of you not to unsubscribe from their emailers, but remember you’ll be needing first-hand updates when employers check out your profile!

Fresh grad success comes when you stay fresh

Elizabeth Boon’s viral #hiremeleh photoshoot scored her 5 job offers. Source

Fresh grads have gotten creative with graduation shoots and even job applications. Check out this dude’s cover letter for an job in architecture – an animated rap describing how he “wants to build cool stuffs with legos”. Yes he wants that job and you can’t no. While you’re coming up with original ideas, it sure helps if you stay fresh – literally – in the process. 

The NIVEA Extra White Serum deodorant spray absorbs fast and smells great, giving you the added confidence boost at job interviews knowing you’re not sweating buckets from your pits. 

NIVEA Extra White Serum deodorant is available at $5.90 (roll on) & $10.90 (Spray) in all major supermarkets and pharmacies.

Underarm wet spots aren’t appealing and slapping on some deodorant keeps the excessive sweating at bay, so you stay fresh all day. It also comes with a whitening effect, so you can work that sleeveless blouse and lift your arms as much as you want to.

There’s a NIVEA range for men too – Great for staying fresh and avoiding yellow stains on your white shirts.

Click here to find out how you can stay fresh with NIVEA

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