In school, we had camps and CCAs to “force” new friendships. We saw each other almost every day, so it’s natural for bonds to form. But here’s the harsh reality of growing up: making friends as adults gets tougher, simply because we have fewer opportunities to do so. Or perhaps, it’s because we have become jaded from life. Cue sad music.
We’ve compiled horror stories about forming friendships as adults, as a way to rant and find relief in letting these bad vibes out on the Internet. If you have experienced a similar situation, know that I’ll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
*Names have been changed to protect their anonymity.
If you didn’t already know, Bumble isn’t just a dating app to meet the Mr. or Mrs. Right. The platform launched Bumble BFF, where users can make platonic relationships. Cue lonely ol’ me, signing up for this in hopes of making a new friend or two.
I matched with a 27-year-old guy working in the healthcare industry, and things started off pretty polite and friendly. We kept the chat PG13, and no personal boundaries were crossed. We chatted for a couple of days before scheduling to meet for dinner on Friday.
We commenced dinner with a hug – and that was when I felt his hand linger on my lower back. I brushed it off initially, gaslighting myself into thinking that the guy was just touchy. But throughout the meal, I noticed that he would drop light touches on my hand, shoulder, and even my thigh. I slowly inched myself further but he kept scooting over to close the gap.
Dinner ended and we split the bill. I thought we were going to part ways, but he kept insisting to continue the night at his house. After several demands, I asked him, “Seriously, go your house for what?”. To which he replied, “To seal the deal lor,” and winked. You best believe I booked a cab immediately and unmatched him on the way back to MY home.
– Charmaine, 25
I’d do my best to share my industry knowledge with the interns too.
Image for illustrative purposes only.
I’m a 28-year-old guy working in an advertising company where most of the interns are around the age of 19 to 22. I’d say I have a friendly and extroverted personality, and I enjoy chatting with people. And here’s a disclaimer before I begin my story: I am not in the market for a girlfriend.
So, once every few months, we’d get a new batch of interns in the company. The other full-timers are pretty clique-ish and they tend to go out for lunch on their own, leaving the interns to fend for themselves. I felt bad for the newbies, so I took it upon myself to “adopt” these new interns and show them the food haunts near our office.
Alas, my act of goodwill bit me in the ass. Some people started to view me as a “paedophile”, calling me a tikopeh because most of the interns were usually girls. Not to mention that they were a couple of years my junior. It’s sad to say, but I’ve since kept to myself whenever there are new female interns. Is this a sign that I’m working in a toxic workplace? Maybe.
– Jing Xiong, 28
You would think that with age comes maturity, but that’s not always the case. I was introduced to a fellow watch enthusiast by a friend, and we started casually chatting on Instagram. You know, just two 30-something-year-olds geeking out about watches.
We had our first meeting IRL over dinner with our mutual friend, and I mentioned that I was interested in getting a particular luxury watch. My new watch buddy exclaimed excitedly that he owned the same watch, and expressed his excitement for me to get the same one. “Matchy matchy, bro!” he exclaimed.
How I felt when I saw the Instagram story.
I got the watch a week later, and posted a picture of it on Instagram to celebrate this milestone. A couple of minutes after, I opened his Instagram story and realised that he had reposted my Instagram story, with the caption “lol copycat”. WHAT? I responded to this with a “???” message, but he promptly blocked me on Instagram. Talk about childish.
– Andrew, 34
Going to the gym can be scary, especially when gym users are unfriendly. I had just embarked on my gym journey 4 months ago and was still learning how to properly use the equipment. I usually work out at my local ActiveSG gym, but decided to try a new outlet nearer to my workplace.
So here I was, nerves and all, at the new and bigger gym. I saw a new equipment I wanted to try, and decided to work up some courage and approached on of the “gym bros” for help. Thankfully, he was pretty friendly and showed me how to work the equipment. I thanked him, and we continued with our separate workouts after.
After my sweat sesh, I bumped into him again at the gym entrance. As we were both packing up our stuff, I tried to make small talk by asking if he usually exercises here. Mind you, I’m an engaged lady who’s been with my mans for 8 years. So no, I wasn’t trying to hit him up. I just wanted to make a new friend, since I might return to this gym.
Right after the last word left my lips, he gave a very stoic response. “I have a girlfriend,” he muttered, and stomped away. Was I tempted to shout “You’re not even my type!” after him? Yes. But I chose to be the bigger person, swallowed my pride, and left the gym quietly.
– Sherrie, 24
Most people get hit on, but I literally got hit while trying to make friends. This happened 2 years ago when I had a short stint working abroad from Australia. I was out grocery shopping at Coles, and made small talk with another lady in the fruit aisle.
She seemed nice, and I learned that she was a Malaysian who moved to Melbourne to be with her husband. We both stayed around the neighbourhood, so it was a given that we would bump into each other again. We ended up exchanging Instagrams.
After paying for our items, we walked to the parking lot together. She was parked a few rows behind me, so we said our goodbyes. Just as I was slowly exiting the carpark lot, I abruptly felt my car shake. Someone had driven into the side of my car. Granted, it was not a hard hit, but enough for me to feel the physical impact.
Image credit: Izie
I looked up in horror and realised the driver was the same lady from the store. Before I could react, she gave a panicked wave, reversed her car, and sped off. I tried to message her on Instagram but received no response. I didn’t bother making a police report as the damages were minor and I was getting rid of the car soon.
– Izie, 37
Helping each other take OOTD pictures.
Image credit: Marabelle
It was December 2017, and I was in Seoul with my parents for our Christmas holiday. My parents insisted on joining a tour group and I relented, in the name of being filial. The tour group consisted of mostly older folks, and it was just me and another Singaporean girl who were in our 20s.
Naturally, we stuck together most of the time, as we couldn’t relate to the adults’ conversations. It was a 6-day trip, so we grew close as time passed. It was somehow easier to open up to a stranger.
We swapped Instagrams, with the promise to reconnect in Singapore. After we flew back, I messaged her on Instagram asking for a meet-up. I remembered she was waiting to hear back from a job interview, and wanted to check in on how that went. I received no response, just a “Seen yesterday.” message stamp on Instagram. Seoul sad.
– Marabelle, 29
Image for illustrative purposes only.
We’ve got dating-app-match-turned-crypto scams, travel scams, and now, friendship scams. I had just started a part-time job working at a cafe while waiting for my new job to start. I quickly formed a friendship with another part-timer; she was studying for her Masters while working at the cafe.
We would go on lunch breaks together and intentionally arrange for our shifts to coincide. It was after our 4th lunch when she started asking if I could pay for her share first as she didn’t have cash on hand. She’d then transfer the money after. I should’ve recognised this red flag, but silly ol’ me trusted her. After all, she did pay me back for those first few lunches.
You know where this is headed. She slowly started to “forget” to transfer me, and would take days to pay her debts. I would have to remind her multiple times, and I hated doing so because I felt like a loan shark. I didn’t keep track of the exact money she owed me too – and that’s on me for forgetting.
Without warning, she suddenly disappeared and stopped showing up at the cafe. I texted her numerous “Where are you???” messages, but only got dead silence. It was only after I asked my manager, that I learned my “friend” had quit her job. So for the past 2 months, I had unknowingly become her ATM. She owes me around $100, which I will probably never get back.
– Debbie, 30
Sadly, life isn’t a sitcom where everything is fine and dandy. Making friends as adults can be tuff stuff. Some friendships fade off, some scam you hundreds of dollars, and some want to get in your pants.
But that’s not to say that every new person you meet is evil. It’s possible to meet your life bestie in your 20s, 30s, or even 40s. Heck, I’ve made wonderful friends during my time here in TheSmartLocal. So, you can too.
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