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Ever since the inception of Facebook in 2004, the world has never been more connected. You have mutual friends from all over the world and it becomes easier to befriend someone you’ve never met or talked to before on Facebook.
But perhaps, blinded by the illusion that people actually want to be our friend, we accepted random dudes and babes who added us on Facebook, without thinking twice. We regretted that decision and have been flooded by endless feeds of stuff that we don’t really care about.
Now, we’re here to help. We’re here to assist you with the purging of your Facebook friends with this list of 12 types of people you should unfriend on Facebook.
You’re going to be so glad you read this.
You don’t know who they are. You just have lots of mutual friends in common. Maybe she was your ex-boyfriend’s classmate or maybe he was the guy who attended the same convention as you. But you have no clues on who they are exactly and have not actually talked to them in real life. Maybe you’ve smiled at them once but that’s it.
How you often describe them: Oh, he’s not actually my friend. He’s my friend’s friend.
Your reaction when you bump into them:
You met this person once at your cousin’s friend’s brother’s party, said a quick hello, and after that, they sent you a friend request on Facebook. You accepted it because hey, you guys talked before and guess that means you’re now friends! Well, stop deceiving yourself. You don’t actually know that person nor are you guys going to ever meet again.
How you often describe them: I met her at a party once. What’s her real name again?
Your reaction when you bump into them:
If you are Facebook friends with a complete stranger, I suggest you unfriend them. NOW.
You never know if they’re actually plotting to kidnap you or if they’re some weird private investigator your parents hired to spy on you. Either way, there’s only one thing you should do. Click that unfriend button.
How you often describe them: I seriously don’t know who he is.
Your reaction when you bump into them:
These people should not be on Facebook. Heck, they should not be on any other social media platform if all they’re going to do is slam their parents all day.
“Urgh, mom’s so stupid…she asked me what a Miley Cyrus is…”
“Why are my parents so @$%^ing annoying?!?!”
They’re a great target for Stompers who will screenshot their evil words and flame them for the whole Singapore to see. Just think Adelyn Hosehbo.
How you often describe them: That one ah…siao. What happened to filial piety?
Your reaction when you bump into them:
I get it. You need more lives on Candy Crush…or you’ll get more “money” if I choose to accept the game invitation. But, stop it. Not everyone plays Facebook games. To be honest, if you’re still playing with them, you either REALLY have a lot of time on your hands or you’re a 10 year old kid.
How you often describe them: Wah that guy damn annoying sia keep sending me Farmville request…aiyo…
Your reaction when you bump into them:
All hail the Kings and Queens of Irrelevant Information. These people treat Facebook statuses like Twitter and change it every 10 minutes. That’s not the annoying part. If they’re posting some intellectual piece of poetry or writing, then I’ll be fine with it.
These people post stuff like “Need to go to the toilet!”, “In the toilet now!” and “Just washed my hands yay that was fun”. They need to know that no one cares.
How you often describe them: That person NEEDS to stop. STOP FLOODING MY FEED.
Your reaction when you bump into them:
The creeper stalker is the guy who just liked your photo from 2008. The one who comments on every single of your profile picture, “You look gorgeous!” or “Nice legs.” The one who sends chills down your spine just because. You don’t really know that guy and I’m sure you don’t ever want to.
How you often describe them: Wah seh that one chikopek.
Your reaction when you bump into them:
Two words: Grow up. Poke Wars are sooooo 2005. They’re not cool anymore, they’re not fun. They’re extremely annoying. What’s even worse is if the person who started the poke war messages you to “poke back”. Please, there’s more to life than poke wars. Believe me.
How you often describe them: Stop poking me before I poke your eyes.
Your reaction when you bump into them:
I feel like these people only created a Facebook account so they can annoy the hell out of others with their comments. They’re also known as keyboard warriors, choosing to vent their frustration at someone by aggressively commenting on their posts. Keyboard warriors annoy me the most and I will always have to suppress my urge to slap them in real life.
How you often describe them: That one always want to find fault with others, really jialat leh
Your reaction when you bump into them:
You don’t actually remember these people. They’re nothing but a vague memory embedded somewhere deep inside your head. She could have been your CCA-mate in primary school or maybe he used to play hopscotch with you…you just can’t remember. You don’t even recognize their face in their Facebook profile picture.
How you often describe them: Err, yeah that girl…uhm…think she was in the next class or something.
Your reaction when you bump into them:
“Something terrible has happened, please pray for me.”
“I can’t believe you did that. I thought you were my friend. My life is over.”
If you’ve ever come across such status updates, and enquired on what has happened only to receive a “I don’t want to talk about it” back, leave them. I don’t understand why people would post dramatic cryptic statuses, obviously seeking for attention, only to reject it in the end.
Save yourself from the plight of such attention-seekers who flood your timeline by unfriend-ing them. You know you want to.
How you often describe them: Omg, it’s that drama mama again!
Your reaction when you bump into them:
Seriously, these people should just delete their Facebook account. That makes life so much easier for the rest of us. They don’t even have a wall and their whole profile is private. You can’t contact them nor tag them in any pictures. Basically, they have a phantom Facebook profile. Phantoms shouldn’t be your Facebook friend.
How you often describe them: Pfft, social media noobs.
Your reaction when you bump into them:
So there you have it, the 12 types of people you should seriously consider unfriend-ing on Facebook. It doesn’t matter if you’ve known her forever or just got to know him yesterday, spare yourself the agony of having to read or witness their atrocity on the social media platform.
If you have anymore suggestions on who we should purge from our Facebook friends list, feel free to share in the comments below!
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