Who Are You?

I was having somewhat of an identity crisis a while back, it’s perplexing how mere days can change you from within least to say years. I think we have all asked ourselves a question in varying forms one way or another – What makes you who you are? The unique quality that differentiates you from the 7 Billion awesome and some not so much people that inhibit our strange and mysterious planet. 

I was and still am a firm believer that any and everything shapes you to who you are right now at this second; the surrounding environment slowly molds you as you spin around on the potters wheel, bound by the element of time like hands on a clock. Many factors are beyond your control, ethnicity, social classification, financial standing to name a few. You spin mindlessly in an eternal circle just waiting to take form, never knowing what the potter has in store as he sculpts you delicately in his steady hands. What temperature were you thrown at and with what material? Will you become the centerpiece of a timeless museum or a tool to hydrate caged beasts? Or perhaps crumble into a lumpy mess in absolution before ever leaving the potters wheel.

You may have emerged from the pottery structurally sound and intact but harsh conditions have rendered you cracked and brittle. You are left to decay in desolate lands, lost, forgotten and helpless but of the myriad of arbitrary factors out of reach; take charge of what is left. Instead of moping over the smooth texture of other pots, patch the cracks and be the best of the broken ones – it’s the one thing you can control.

I turned to personality tests which I have previously avoided as I have always regarded it as a form of self-deception where one skews results towards who they want to be, not who they are. Almost a case of selective hearing. I have learnt much about myself since then, so I strive for a form of personal authenticity. I feel it’s a dignified way to live by – constantly discovering and improving yourself. Forget the trite saying of not repeating the same mistakes again, hell repeat it as many times as you want, just make sure you become a better person when you emerge from the depths.

It dawned on me that I have this innate attribute do the opposite of what everyone else would do. For instance, some may turn to smoking as a way to ease social tension, to fit in, to belong. Like a distraction from the elephant in the room where strangers come together with something in common before words are spoken.

So I didn’t want to.

I want to feel out of place without anything between my fingers. I want to shift my gaze wondering which direction I should face. I want to wonder how long It takes for cigarettes to burn out. I am convinced I would be a smoker if being smoke-free was the norm. Another example would be someone resorting to bouts of emasculation as a form of social display to provoke response or even retaliation. The average Joe might think, “I better man the f*ck up or someone might question the size of my balls”, however at the receiving end, I’ll probably smile.

I have never considered myself a rebel, only an individual. 

Based on Carl Jung’s and Isabel Briggs Meyers’ typological approach to personality. Both extremely influential in the field of psychology. 

The only one on the internet thus far that I find accurate for such a small sample size – http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Does it ring true to who you are?