So, whether you\u2019ve been invited to a wedding, or are planning your own big day, here are all the <\/span>Vietnamese wedding traditions and customs<\/b> you need to know to make sure everything goes smoothly.<\/span><\/p>\n As you can probably imagine, a wedding is a grand affair that requires months of planning ahead. In Vietnam, the process is split into several ceremonies leading up to the big day.<\/span><\/p>\n Traditionally speaking, the proposal ceremony<\/strong> \u2013 known in Vietnamese as <\/span>l\u1ec5 d\u1ea1m ng\u00f5<\/b><\/em>\u00a0<\/em>\u2013 is when the man\u2019s family visits the woman\u2019s to introduce themselves, and ask for the approval of the young couple\u2019s relationship with the aim of getting married.<\/span><\/p>\n The ceremony stems from ancient times when parents had absolute say in whom their children would marry. In our modern society, however, it is done after the young couple have already decided to get married and is seen as a way for the two families to officially meet and get to know their future in-laws.<\/span><\/p>\n The meeting is a small one that involves only the couple\u2019s immediate families \u2013 namely their parents and siblings. The man\u2019s parents will bring small gifts such as betel leaves, areca nuts, tea, rice wine, and sometimes fruits and flowers, which the woman\u2019s family use as offerings to their ancestors to let them know that their descendant is getting married.<\/span><\/p>\n Although this proposal ceremony is simple, it is an indispensable part of any Vietnamese wedding. Even if the two families already know each other beforehand, the man\u2019s parents bringing gifts over for the proposal is seen as a gesture of respect. During the meeting, the two families can also discuss the next steps of the wedding.<\/span><\/p>\n After <\/span>l\u1ec5 d\u1ea1m ng\u00f5<\/span><\/em> comes <\/span>l\u1ec5 \u0103n h\u1ecfi<\/i><\/b>, a ceremony that marks the couple\u2019s official engagement<\/strong>. It used to take place several months prior to the wedding, but the timing is more flexible nowadays as more people are inclined to reduce the scope of or combine several customs together. It is not uncommon for modern engagement ceremonies to be held only a few days before the wedding.<\/span><\/p>\n In any case, the date of the l\u1ec5 \u0103n h\u1ecfi<\/em> ceremony is chosen by a fortune teller based on the couple\u2019s birthdays on the lunar calendar, as it\u2019s believed to bring good luck. On this day, the groom\u2019s family prepares trays of gifts such as betel leaves, areca nuts, tea, traditional cakes, rice wine, and sometimes sticky rice and roasted pigs. In the old day, the amount of gifts prepared showed how much the groom\u2019s family valued their new bride and was also a way to flaunt their wealth, but again, today it is more of a formality and is often agreed upon by both families beforehand.<\/span><\/p>\n There is also an interesting discrepancy between weddings in northern and southern Vietnam. In the north, the number of gift trays has to be an odd number, while the number of offerings on these trays has to be even \u2013 such as two bottles of wine, 12 boxes of cakes, etc. Meanwhile, it is the exact opposite in the south: the groom\u2019s family brings an even number of gift trays with an odd number of offerings.<\/span><\/p>\n The gift trays are carried by unmarried young men chosen from among the groom\u2019s friends and relatives. Likewise, the bride will also ask her unmarried female friends and relatives to become her gift receivers. As the groom\u2019s family brings offerings to the bride\u2019s house, the gift receivers join hands with the gift carriers, and together they bring the gift trays to the ancestor altar, where the betrothed couple pray and ask for their ancestors\u2019 blessings.<\/span><\/p>\n As the engagement ceremony is a major occasion in preparation for the wedding, participants are required to dress formally \u2013 men in suits and ties and women in the traditional <\/span>Vietnamese <\/span>\u00e1o d\u00e0i<\/span><\/em><\/a>. Alternatively, the groom and gift bearers can opt to wear the male version of <\/span>\u00e1o d\u00e0i <\/span><\/em>as well.<\/span><\/p>\n The wedding day is the culmination of several months\u2019 worth of preparation. Again, the two families will have consulted a fortune teller to decide on a lucky date, and the ceremony involves several steps.<\/span><\/p>\n The first step of the wedding<\/strong>, which is held at the bride\u2019s house, is <\/span>l\u1ec5 vu quy<\/b><\/em>. <\/span><\/i>This is when the groom and his family come to the bride\u2019s house on the wedding day to ask for her. The bride stays in her room as a respected figure from the groom\u2019s family introduces the groom and his parents. Likewise, the bride\u2019s family will also have a respected figure to respond in kind.<\/span><\/p>\n After obtaining permission from the bride\u2019s family, the groom is then allowed to enter her room and bring her out. The couple will then proceed to pray at the bride\u2019s family altar and serve tea to each other\u2019s family elders as a sign of respect.<\/span><\/p>\n The couple will then sit down to receive marriage advice from their elders, and this is also when the bride\u2019s mother will gift her with gold and jewelry and send her off to her new home.<\/span><\/p>\n After the ceremony, the bride is considered to have joined the groom\u2019s family, and she will follow her soon-to-be husband to his house to proceed with the next step: <\/span>l\u1ec5 th\u00e0nh h\u00f4n<\/em><\/strong> \u2013 <\/span><\/i>the official wedding ceremony.<\/span><\/p>\n At the groom\u2019s house, the couple\u2019s first task is again to light incense and pray at the ancestors\u2019 altar. This act is believed to be a way of informing the groom\u2019s ancestors that their family has just welcomed a new member.<\/span><\/p>\n The <\/span>official wedding ceremony<\/b> or l\u1ec5 th\u00e0nh h\u00f4n <\/em><\/strong>then commences, when an emcee \u2013 who could be an acquaintance asked by the couple to perform the task, or a hired service provider \u2013 introduces both families to the guests, provides a brief recap of the couple\u2019s history together, and instructs the couple to perform rituals such as exchanging wedding rings and drinking together.<\/span><\/p>\n After the couple is officially announced as husband and wife, a feast is thrown to celebrate the occasion amid cheerful music, and the newlyweds will go from table to table to propose toasts and receive good wishes from guests.<\/span><\/p>\n Traditionally, the wedding ceremony and feast take place at the groom\u2019s house, but today, more and more people are choosing instead to get married at a wedding hall. In this case, the bride will still be taken to the groom\u2019s house first to pay tribute to his ancestors, but the wedding ceremony will be held at the wedding centre in front of the guests.<\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re invited to a Vietnamese wedding but are not familiar with the traditions and customs, the first question you probably have is, \u201cHow should I dress for the occasion?\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n Both formal and casual clothing are fine \u2013 but the most important thing is to <\/span>dress conservatively<\/b>. That means no shorts and sleeveless shirts, and even short-sleeved shirts are best avoided. It is not uncommon for men to wear a suit while attending a Vietnamese wedding, but women usually don\u2019t wear formal <\/span>\u00e1o d\u00e0i <\/span><\/em>unless they are the couple\u2019s mothers or older relatives.<\/span><\/p>\n On paper, you are not explicitly asked to bring gifts while attending a wedding, but it is kind of an unspoken rule that you do.<\/span><\/p>\n The <\/span>most common gift is money<\/b>, which is placed inside envelopes to not appear too pretentious. The average amount is usually <\/span>VND500,000 (~USD21.59)<\/b>, but you can choose to give more or less depending on your financial situation and how well you know the newlyweds.<\/span><\/p>\n You can prepare your own envelope at home, but if you somehow are unable to, there will be empty envelopes next to the money boxes at the wedding\u2019s reception for you to put your money in. Do take care not to let other people see how much you put in the envelope, as money can be a sensitive topic in Vietnam.<\/span><\/p>\n In any case, make sure you have your name and some good wishes written on the envelope, and put it in the box labeled as \u201cNh\u00e0 Trai\u201d<\/em> (Groom\u2019s Family) if you are friends with the groom, or \u201cNh\u00e0 G\u00e1i\u201d<\/em> (Bride\u2019s Family) if you are friends with the bride. If you know them both, you can choose either box.<\/span><\/p>\n Most often when you receive an invitation card to a wedding, it\u2019ll explicitly invite \u201cyou\u201d, \u201cyou and your family\u201d, or \u201cyou and your loved one\u201d. However, if you want to bring, say, your partner who isn\u2019t invited \u2013 this can happen if the newlywed couple don\u2019t know your partner \u2013 it\u2019s recommended that you <\/span>let them know first<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n After all, preparing for a wedding that can involve hundreds of guests is a daunting task, so do your part to let the groom and bride know how many people will be present so as not to catch them by surprise.<\/span><\/p>\n In Vietnam, it is believed that if you just lose a family member, you should <\/span>avoid joyous occasions<\/b> such as weddings so as not to bring bad luck to the hosts. In the past, people would <\/span>wait at least a year<\/b> following the passing of a family member before they attended a wedding.<\/span><\/p>\n The rules are less strict today and you don\u2019t have to wait that long, but if you just attended a funeral in the past couple of months, you should still call the couple to let them know and apologise for your absence. It might sound a bit excessive, but if you look at it from another angle, it\u2019s just another way to show respect and consideration toward the hosts on their big day.<\/span><\/p>\n If you are invited to someone\u2019s wedding but can\u2019t make it for whatever reason, call them and let them know.<\/span><\/p>\n In this case, you\u2019ll still be <\/span>expected to send a gift<\/b>. Again, the most common way to do so is to prepare an envelope of money with your name on it and ask a mutual acquaintance to put it in the money box on the day of the wedding.<\/span><\/p>\n The money is considered a gesture of goodwill \u2013 and something to help the newlyweds start a new life. It shows that you wish them the best even though you can\u2019t physically be there.<\/span><\/p>\n Being the (sometimes overly) friendly folks that we are, we Vietnamese folks can sometimes get carried away in conversations and ask questions that go into too much detail. We might mean well, but such questions might make the bride and groom uncomfortable, yet they are still forced to answer out of courtesy.<\/span><\/p>\n So, do <\/span>refrain from asking questions that are too personal<\/b>, such as \u201cWhen are you going to have a baby?\u201d or \u201cHow much are you spending on your honeymoon?\u201d \u2013 you get the idea. Such questions are off-limits unless you are really, really close to the marrying couple.<\/span><\/p>\n As society evolves, so do traditions, and many wedding customs deemed unfit for the modern age have been removed or replaced. At its core, though, a wedding is still a sacred ceremony that binds not only two people, but also two families.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n
\n– Ceremonies of a Vietnamese wedding –<\/h3>\n
\n
\n1. L\u1ec5 d\u1ea1m ng\u00f5 \u2013 the Vietnamese proposal ceremony<\/h4>\n
\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/dam-ngo-1-1.jpg\")
\nL\u1ec5 d\u1ea1m ng\u00f5 \u2013 the proposal ceremony \u2013 is a casual meeting between the couple\u2019s families<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> Nguy\u1ec5n Th\u1ecb Ph\u01b0\u01a1ng Hoa<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/dam-ngo-2.jpg\")
\n<\/span><\/i>Gifts used in a d\u1ea1m ng\u00f5 ceremony<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> @minh_trang216<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\n2. L\u1ec5 \u0103n h\u1ecfi \u2013 the Vietnamese engagement ceremony<\/h4>\n
\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/an-hoi-1.jpg\")
\n<\/span><\/i>Image credit:<\/span> @truongdiepanh_<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/an-hoi-2.jpg\")
\n<\/span><\/i>Gift bearers<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> @anhtuancg<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\n3. L\u1ec5 c\u01b0\u1edbi \u2013 the wedding<\/h4>\n
\n
\n3.1. L\u1ec5 vu quy \u2013 a ceremony to ask the bride\u2019s family to give her away<\/h5>\n
\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/vu-quy-1.jpg\")
\nA groom bringing his bride down from her room after obtaining permission from her family<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> Rina Chan<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/vu-quy-2.jpg\")
\n<\/span><\/i>The bride and groom serving tea to their family elders<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> REN Bridal Studio<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\n3.2. L\u1ec5 th\u00e0nh h\u00f4n \u2013 the official wedding ceremony<\/h5>\n
\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/wedding-1.jpg\")
\n<\/span><\/i>A couple arriving at the groom\u2019s house on their wedding day<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> \u0110\u1ed7 Xanh<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/wedding-2.jpg\")
\n<\/span>A wedding ceremony held at a wedding centre<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> Trung T\u00e2m H\u1ed9i Ngh\u1ecb Ti\u1ec7c C\u01b0\u1edbi & Kh\u00e1ch S\u1ea1n King Garden<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\n– Things to know as a guest attending a Vietnamese wedding –<\/h3>\n
\n1. Dress conservatively<\/h4>\n
\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/dress-code.jpg\")
\n<\/span><\/i>You can dress casually at a wedding, but just be sure to dress politely<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> Tr\u1ed1ng \u0110\u1ed3ng Palace<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\n2. Bring gifts to the newlyweds<\/h4>\n
\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/gift-1-1.jpg\")
\n<\/span>A man writing wishes to the newlyweds at a wedding reception<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> Nh\u00e0 h\u00e0ng ti\u1ec7c c\u01b0\u1edbi The Venus<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/gift-2.jpg\")
\n<\/span>You can find money boxes and envelopes at the reception<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span>Tr\u1ed1ng \u0110\u1ed3ng Palace<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\n3. Let the couple know in advance if you bring someone along<\/h4>\n
\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/wedding-invitation.jpg\")
\n<\/span><\/i>A wedding invitation card<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> @thiepcuoi.meoo<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\n4. Avoid attending if one of your family members just passed away<\/b><\/h4>\n
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\n5. Send gifts if you’re unable to make it<\/b><\/h4>\n
\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/gift-in-your-stead.jpg\")
\n<\/span><\/i>If you can\u2019t be at the wedding, ask someone else to deliver an envelope in your name<\/span>
\n<\/span>Image credit:<\/span> Tr\u1ed1ng \u0110\u1ed3ng Palace<\/span><\/a><\/em><\/p>\n
\n6. Don\u2019t ask questions that are too personal<\/h4>\n
\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/thesmartlocal.com\/vietnam\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/no-personal-question.jpg\")
\n<\/span><\/i>Come to share the joy and wish the newlyweds good luck, but refrain from asking questions that are too personal<\/span><\/i>
\n<\/span><\/i>Image credit:<\/span><\/i> Tr\u1ed1ng \u0110\u1ed3ng Palace<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n
\nWedding traditions & customs that Vietnamese people follow<\/h3>\n
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