Last year, we were given a list of article inspirations to choose from. On the very extensive list, one caught my eye and screamed “DO ME DO ME”. I tried to ignore it but I just couldn’t pass it up. It looked like a great deal of fun to write. And so here it is.
As a necessary disclaimer – we are not encouraging sexual activities among youths and we are strictly against anything that breaks the law – this article is tongue-in-cheek and meant to be in good fun.
I think sex after marriage is an admirable notion but I think sex before marriage is sexciting and lets get real – this is the year 2014. After all, if its going to be your first time, it ought to be special right? Here’s our list of the top 10 places to lose your virginity at in Singapore.
1. Palawan Beach
Palawan Beach is the other son of Sentosa who has resigned to the fact that its brother, Siloso, will always be the more loved one. Now for couples, that is to your advantage because that means this place is often left undisturbed.
For the truly romantic experience, come here on a picnic and slowly talk about doughnuts and baguettes and bananas and milk until your girlfriend gets the picture. Then retire delicately into the tent you spent forty minutes setting up and screaming “GOD DAMN THIS S*** DO I LOOK LIKE IKEA” and let the magic unfold.
If you’re lucky, you could stay till past 8pm and catch the fireworks from Songs of the Sea to end the amazing day. Cue Katy Perry’s firework and dedicate it to her clumsily as you sing off-key and I promise you, she will be mesmerized no matter how the experience was.
2. Wanderlust Boutique Hotel
Wanderlust is one of the more gorgeous boutique hotels I’ve seen so far. I have never personally been there, only seen photos of it but it’s enough to set me in love. There is an array of rooms to choose from and I’d take the red room for this special event.
I firmly believe everything is more forgiveable when the surroundings are romantic. It’s your first time and you must give yourself allowance to have your self-esteem a little bruised. Cue Wanderlust’s gorgeous room settings and you’ll find a fawning girlfriend deciding she just wants to cuddle and all will be well again.
3. Bishan Park
Bishan Park recently went through a revamp.
And while I am sure it is for the best of every cyclist ever and walker, it came to my mind when I was there that it has become a prime place to have public, aching love-making.
There are reclining lounge chairs scattered around, strategically facing away from each other in close proximity. Bring a blanket and tell her it’s a trip to lie under the stars and talk about exploring the universe first. Then slowly steer the topic to exploring her instead and depending on her reaction, you can have an unpatrolled first experience under every star Singapore has to offer.
4. On top of a HDB building
I used to live in Choa Chu Kang and my block’s maintenance man once forgot to lock the door leading to the rooftop of our block. I was beyond excited to check it out and dragged my grudging ex-boyfriend along. It was in the night and we kept seeing shadows so we were too wussy to stay long but it struck me as a nice place to have a nice time.
It is completely uninterrupted and if you bring a mat, this entire place will be yours to conquer and have perfect memories in. The pipes and miscellaneous structures around guarantee you the setting for new positions for couples with height differences.
5. Pulau Ubin
As if you didn’t see this coming, right!
This place is the most common mini getaway for Singaporeans which is basically a haven for cyclists and nature lovers and people fish here all the time.
Come with a girlfriend on a cycling trip and try to fish without losing your patience and in the event you do (like I always do as well), make sure you look sexy as hell angry. The girlfriend will come over in kind intentions to calm you down and in the midst of the comforting, make your move.
The rocks along any coast are always wide-set and they are begging for some action – so oblige them. As a side note, you can always threaten to throw yourself into the sea if it was a little disappointing and you leave her grumpy. 0/10 would not recommend though.
6. Bedok Reservoir
I am suggesting this place but I need to plead with all who will read – do not pollute the reservoir please. I am sure all girls like bad boys who point middle fingers at the environment but one day this water may end up in your tea and mine. So do be kind.
Bedok Reservoir provides the perfect spot. Come here with little boats decorated with flowers and wishes for the New Year (perfect for this month) and set them into the water and watch it sail away. Ask your girlfriend about her thoughts on spontaneous combustion and in her temporary confusion, make a move and begin your magic. Be her spontaneous combustion.
Be sure to explain the actual term to her afterwards though – an educated girl is a cuter girl.
7. West Coast Park
West Coast Park at night offers so many opportunities, it’ll hurt your mind just thinking about it.
I’ve mentioned enough of the coast side so let’s move over to a more interesting location – the top of the prism climbing structure in West Coast Park. After the revamp, there is now a slide for you to go woo all the way to the bottom of the structure – make the woo worth it.
Bring her to the top of the prism – ignore her “IT’S DAMN HIGH LA MAI LA LET’S GO EAT MAC” and lead her to the top. Sit her down at the slide and tell her how beautiful she looks under the moonlight (sidenote: go on the 15th of the month unless you’re a werewolf in which case, come date me instead) and kiss her.
Make sure she doesn’t accidentally slip and slide all the way down or I promise you’ll hate my guts as much as she’ll hate yours after. Give her a ride the slide cannot fight and you two can both come down afterwards happier and more radiant than ever.
8. Henderson Wave
Henderson Wave is a sight at night.
It is not only beautiful, but its sleek designs means there are many little enclaves that makes the place cozy and personal. Come here with a large jacket or her oversized scarf. Say it’s to shield her from the chills of the night. Admire the view of the cars below together with her until it gets boring then turn her around.
Tell her about how every car represents the days of your relationship and how time is ironically timeless when you’re with her because she’s your days and nights. As she cries in your poetry, gently use the jacket / scarf as a makeshift blanket as you two make sobbing, first time love.
9. Orchard Central Skygarden
I cannot stress how beautiful Orchard Central’s Skygarden is. I also cannot stress how dimly lit it is.
Come here to bask in the lights of Orchard and the annoying buildings that block some of the view. Hug your girlfriend from the back and tell her she is the light that brings you through every night and Orchard will never compare.
Then, pray that she doesn’t understand the irony and lead her to a very lousy lit stairwell behind the skygarden where you have already scattered rose petals (resourceful you!) at and have a beautiful time together.
10. On a yacht
Groupon is throwing out yacht deals like they’re Steven Lim’s underwear so it is time you stop scrolling and take a click. This is going to be the most extravagant experience out of every alternative in the past 9.
Rent a yacht perhaps first for a party then shoo off your guests afterwards. If you’re gutsy, theme your party “The Virgin Sacrifice” and celebrate the impending loss of your virginity. If not, just have a simple champagne party and politely threaten to throw everyone overboard unless they quickly leave at the last hour of your yacht rental.
Now alone, you have the option of annoying your girlfriend by doing the famous Titanic pose or leading her to the upper deck of the yacht to watch the waves together. Tell her you wish you could watch her forever and as she revels in the aching beauty of all around her, kiss her and continue on from there.
I promise it will be the most beautiful thing she’ll ever experience for a long time to come in her life.
There you have it – 10 places to lose your virginity at in Singapore!
Of course, the safest and most romantic place to lose your virginity is actually at home, in the arms of your loved one. So just a second disclaimer that does article was just meant for entertainment purposes. For the places mentioned in the article, I am sorry in advance for the increased traffic that may come with interesting intents and I hope you accept my sincere apologies.
And now to you, reader.
If you do find yourself at any of these places, I wish you a night to remember and a girlfriend forever. You have probably made her the happiest girl ever and I wish you two eternal happiness.