Picking up Girls in Singapore
I know many guys who just admire pretty girls from afar and think to themselves "wow I wish I could talk to her", not realising that the guy she's talking to isn't her friend, but a stranger who's trying to pick her up. It's everywhere and not as difficult to pull off as you may think.
This guide was compiled from the experiences of girls who have been picked up and guys who have picked up girls. Our aim is simply to help more Singaporeans meet each other, so they have more options and find more suitable partners for themselves. It's a scary thought that your life partner is only limited to the people you went to school or work with. And in Singapore, that is what usually happens.
So don't limit yourself! Go out there and talk to people! Beginners may want to start with our earlier "How To Talk To Strangers" guide. Remember to come back and share your experiences with us okay!
The Basics: How To Approach Her
There are too many techniques to list, but I'm just going to try to go into some broad categories here. As you try it out for yourself, just do what feels more natural for you and the one you're most comfortable with. These are the very basics that you should be familiar with.
1. Eye Contact
Source: Flipped (2010)
This is how you identify the girls who are more willing to talk. Eye contact is something you just have to master. I'm not entirely sure myself how a simple look can convey so much, but we all get what eyes say, don't we?
So go ahead and make eye contact with her, but don't just stare creepily. If she looks right back at you, you may want to smile and if she smiles back, you can approach her. Alternatively, you can pass this glancing back and forth thing a few times to let yourself garner some courage before talking to her.
2. Talking to Her
Once you've got her attention and have determined that she's receptive, you go up to her and say hi. The hardest part about this is really getting over yourself and gathering the courage to speak to her. So just take a deep breath, pop a mint if necessary, put on your most charming smile and talk to her.
What is the most striking thing about her? Tell her. Like her outfit? Let her know. What do you want to find out about her? Ask her. Chances are she'll take the wheel and ask you some questions about yourself too, but if she doesn't, just tell her some interesting things that have happened to you to keep things two-sided.
3. Physical Contact
Not like touching her all over, no. Just something light like her shoulder or a handshake or her wrist. Non-invasive parts of her body, basically. This should be subtle and unalarming to her.
To start, you could shake her hand. If she's wearing a watch or bracelet or ring, you could also hold her wrist/hand to take a closer look and also compliment her on it. This doesn't work with necklaces though so don't even think about it.
The Basics: Where to Go
This actually really depends on what kind of girl you're looking for. You've got to decide what kind of girl you're into and do your research - find a place they frequent and linger around at.
But here are some generally popular hotspots to help you get started.
Or any other club, really. People go clubbing to have fun, and most people here are open to making friends and meeting new people. Under the hyped up atmosphere at a club where you're feeling anything but restricted, this is easily the easiest spot to talk to new people. But please, stay away from girls who are heavily drunk, and if a girl says no, she means no. Respect that.
I was forbidden from revealing the specific bookstore for fear that there will be "80 million creepy men hounding girls" there, but yeah bookstores. It's really one of the most amazing places to be picked up, plus chances of meeting an annoying girl with no IQ are lower here.
You can approach a girl directly, or strike a conversation about the book she's looking at and start there. I know so many girls who swoon over guys who read. But don't be a fake and actually know your shit, or you'll just be weird.
Starbucks/Any Other Cafe
This is especially true of students who study in cafes. If she's studying there, you know that she won't be leaving that soon, so take your time. Sometimes, it's good to drag these things out so you don't come across as too eager.
There are so many approaches you can take. Tell her directly you think she's cute, ask her about schoolwork, recommend a drink, anything. If she's studying with friends, you might want to wait for her to be alone because people do behave differently when alone and when with friends.
I know of some guys who will also talk to other girls in queue with them or someone else waiting for their drink. You know, just going in quick.
This one is difficult to pull off, but if you manage to do it, kudos to you. From personal experience, I can tell you that public transport guys are either really creepy or smooth as silk. There is no in-between.
If she's listening to music, you could tap her shoulder and ask what she's listening to. She may be annoyed but all you have to do is be more interesting than her music and bam. Success. Otherwise, really just talk to her. Confidence is key.
How many sappy romance films start off with meeting at a park? She's jogging, he's jogging, they somehow just start talking and things escalate from there. What a wonderful place. Walk your dog at the park. Total chick magnet. Unless she's allergic to dogs then maybe just stick with jogging.
Again, a land of opportunity. She's likely to stick around in the park for a while, it's so much easier to talk to strangers in parks. Parks are social spaces. Start with a cheesy pickup line or a casual comment about her watch or if her shoelaces are untied. So many choices!
Know the game
Before you go out on the playing field, you need to know the rules. There are too many boys out there running around breaking hearts and giving themselves a bad name. No, you don't want that. That just makes things very messy when you're finally ready to settle for one girl in future.
1. Recognise her Boundaries
If she doesn't like being touched, don't touch her. If she's not into you, leave her alone. And of course, respect goes both ways, so if you don't like the way she's treating you, you should leave. Your comfort and safety always come before any other pleasure.
2. She's a Player, Not a Trophy
I can't stress how important it is to remember that this girl is your equal. You are not a "predator" and she is not "prey" - you are both players of the same game. So back to the first point, if Player 2 isn't ready, the game can't commence. You are not entitled to her just because you're showering her with attention.
3. Have Your Boundaries
Have a good, strong set of values you stand by. For example, "I won't take anyone's virginity" or "she has to be completely aware of what she's getting into". This will prevent you from feeling like a dirtbag and having a reputation that smells like rotten cheese.
But of course, some of these can also cater to your needs so even something is "she's off the list if there's no progress by third date" or "I won't spend more than $100 on her" or even "I'm not going down on anyone" is perfectly fine. You just make sure you feel comfortable with and remain accountable for what you're doing.
How NOT to pick up girls
Now that we've gone through the Dos, here are some Don'ts.
1. Don't Get Bitter and Angry if She Says No
Never say "well, your loss" or start raging and getting all emotional on her. Just no. Be charming about it, smile and be cool. Tell her it's okay, it was a pleasure getting to talk to her, thank you, have a nice day, standard things like that.
Don't have to put too much effort into this since she's already said no, but a smooth goodbye will at least leave a good impression of you in her mind.
2. Don't Stalk
Following her around when she says she needs to leave or offering to send her home when you've literally just met will make her so uncomfortable she'll consider migrating to another country. She'll be even more mortified than Selena.
3. Don't Ask Creepy Questions
e.g. Where do you live? What's your bra size?
Basically anything that's too intrusive will come across as creepy and that is not the impression you are looking to make on her. Hopefully.
4. Don't Waste Your Time If She's Not Interested
Some girls are direct about it, others are sweet about it, while everyone else just doesn't know how to say no or react. But is she uninterested or simply playing hard to get? Word of advice: don't bother trying to find out.
If this girl...
- looks at her phone while you're talking to her
- avoids eye contact
- doesn't smile/smiles awkwardly/obviously forces smiling
- gives short answers you can't build on
- takes more than 12 hours to text back (assuming you somehow got her number)
... just smile and walk away. To me, people who play hard to get (but are actually interested) are the ultimate waste of time. And if she's actually not interested, why force it? But if you're someone who's into these kinds of games, then sure. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Girls to Avoid
There is no way to place human beings into neat little categories, so rather than giving you a rundown on what "types" of girls there are out there, here are a few very general kinds of girls you should just avoid unless you're that desperate for sex/love/attention. Which you shouldn't be. That's sad. And that also makes this unhealthy. So don't do it.
1. The Drama Queen
Almost indistinguishable from the girl that plays hard to get, you know you've got a drama queen when she gives you the green light but then pushes you away and starts flirting with your friend. But then she comes back to you a week later. Just roll your eyes (hard) and walk away.
Identifying traits: talking about her other guy friends too much, being super interested in meeting your guy friends, flirts with you then reveals she has a boyfriend, has many boy troubles and seems to like talking about them
2. Fairytale Girls
There are nice girls who are smart and like to have fun and know what they're getting into. But there are the very nice ones who are just innocent and naive and want to live a fairytale life. As much as you try not to, you will break her heart. So unless you're looking for a lifetime commitment, don't mess with her.
Identifying traits: you'll know when you meet her - the way she talks and thinks and behaves has a very 'xiaomeimei' vibe to it, she's probably never had her heart broken, believes in a very simplistic and noble idea of love, trusts you way too easily and is likely to marry her first boyfriend. Don't be the guy that breaks her heart.
You probably still have a few unanswered questions, and hopefully they're one of the 5 questions below. These 5 are the most popular questions guys ask me, so they'll probably be interesting to you too.
What's the difference between picking up girls and talking to strangers?
Pretty much the only difference is that with picking up girls there's gonna be a buildup of sexual tension, so you'll have to be able to manage that tension smoothly.
What do I talk to her about?
- Ask her questions and
- Talk about yourself, but not excessively.
Ask her questions based on how she's dressed, what she's doing, what she's reading/listening to and all that jazz. You could even try a cheesy pickup line if you're brave enough.
You want to express that a) you think she's attractive and hence b) you'd like to get to know her better. So ask about her interests and hobbies, but also share some of yours, especially if you've got any that coincide.
When do I ask for her number?
The best time to ask is just before you part ways. Never make it the first thing you ask her, obviously. It's not compulsory, but it's nice to drop her a compliment while you ask, like "You're a really interesting person, I'd like to keep in touch if that's okay with you."
How do I tell her I only want sex?
This is a lot easier than most people think. If you're pushing things in the right direction then things will start to happen. And just when it starts getting steamy (or at any other time you deem to be appropriate), tell her that this is all it is - sex. No feelings, no relationship is going to happen. Look her sincerely in the eye and ask her if she's okay with that. This is important. Feelings are sticky and heartbreak is unnecessary.
And once you've said this, make sure you don't fall for her. Guys are just as susceptible to catching feelings as girls are.
How do I avoid a bad reputation?
If you're going around banging girls and breaking hearts then some talk/bad rep is unavoidable. So have standards, be selective, and don't break hearts. But there's still bound to be some talk. I'm sure even Mother Teresa had her share of haters.
Remember, the golden rule is to always be a gentleman and, like I have stressed throughout the article, be as transparent as you can, respect her and remember that she is your equal.
Another tip would be to not go for girls in your school/workplace/circle in general if you're gonna mass pick up girls. Make "so what/where do you study/work" one of the first few questions you ask to make things simpler.
Have Fun! And Stay Safe!
Alright now that you've read this, you should be prepared enough to go out and start talking so some girls! Just remember that it's okay to mess up, relax and do you. As you can probably already tell, intuition and confidence are two of the most important elements you'll need.
And of course, you should always be safe with what you're doing. Don't do stupid things or illegal things and protect yourself. A moment of pleasure is never worth a lifetime of regret.